The Grass is Never Greener on the Other Side
by justallan
Summary: Naomi's in alot of trouble which could completely ruin not just her life but everyone's around her. My version of series 4 because i thought some story lines were unnecessary and others needed to be explored. I hope you enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay so here is a story. WOO. Anyway i did have another story which was well on it's way but my brother figured it would bee a good idea to wipe my computer completely clean so i've lost all my work apart from the stuff that i have already put up. Anyway i decided that i'd just be wasteing valuble writeing time if i sat around holding a grudge so i thought i'd start on a new story. Plus this way i don't have to go over tonnes and tonnes of pages checking it. Since i had some free time reinstalling all the stuff onto my computer i decided to watch skins season 4 and i realized how much i really didn't like compared to the rest so i thought i'd have a go at writeing my own version. I thought the idea of Naomi cheating was just the easy way out for the writers so just a heads up i'm not doing that. Anyway that's all from me and i hope you like it :D**

**Ps. The next chapters will be a bit longer ;) didn't want you lot getting bored. tee hee**

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'We the jury find Naomi Campbell...' This was it, this was the moment that would determine my life forever. With only one word I could be saved or completely broken beyoned any kind of repair. He stands there in his brown suit that must be atleast three sizes too big and his hair stuck back with so much gel that you wonder if there was any hair there in the first 's just standing there, leaving the entire court room so on edge that the tiniest of breezes could knock us off into the dark depths below. I can feel my heart pounding away at my chest, it's going so fast that I fear that it will burst out my chest and fly across this depressing room. Although i suppose that, that's not such a bad idea. I'm actually starting to wish that my little red organ would break free, anything to break the unbearable tension in this dull, dank and quite frankly heartbreaking room. At times like these you really do start to believe that your life is just a horrible dream and that you will just wake up in a sweaty, shaken mess and you'll find out that none of this happened and you can go on liveing your life as happy as larry. The amount of fucked up shit that's happened to us has gone passed the ridcoulsy line, actually we went passed that line a year ago. We were just a bunch of navie little fuckers who thought that going across the line would be a good idea, that it would prove how fucking 'solid' we were, when in reality all it proved was that we are just a bunch of tosser who should be locked up and never be allowed to come out for safety of every person that walks this earth. We were all just like sheep, once one went over the rest just followed because it looked like a laugh, but like they say the grass is never greener on the other side and fucking hell did we find that one out. We all thought it'd be a good idea to explore the land beyond the safe zone, that it would be a good laugh, that nothing bad could come from bending few rules but then BOOM. It smacked us so hard, so sudden that we were knocked off our feet, makeing our rushed journy back to safety that much longer. But it was too late, we'd gone too far, we'd gone so far that there was no point of return, we were in this together probably forever.

I look around at the many faces, some familar some not but each of them all have the exact same expression. All have their eyes on the man at the front with the piece of paper that could shatter lives forever. I scan over mass array of faces, only stopping when i see one that takes interest. Effy. That normally sercertive gaze now showing only complete fear as she wraps her arms around herself in some sort of self comfort. She hasn't had it easy but then again she probably deserves it considering all the shit she put everyone through. I know it's harsh but you can tell everyone is thinking the same thing and she fucking knows it. I'm not sure why she's here but i suppose there really is no way of sussing out Effy Stonem and i think anyone who does it going after a lost cause. She dosen't want anyone to know her through and through so she won't let anyone, it's as simple as. I'm just going to leave her as she is because i've got enough on my plate to go around trying to know all about someone that has about as much emotion as a wooden spoon. I skip over to the next familar face. Cook. I know why he's here because he feels like it's all his fault, and myabe it is but whichever way you look at it i was the one that agreed to do it so it's right that i should be sitting here, being watched like i'm a sodding ball at football match. Cook really isn't a bad guy and i suppose if anything good has come out of this is that i got to find a good friend in the scruffy party animal. He's still a complete twat but a nice twat. I feel sorry for him and I'm not one for sympathy. He begged me not to do this but i had to, i couldn't just let take the blame for something i did however much envolvement he think's he'd had in it. He's promised me he'll do whatever he can for me. He's here instad of mum. She cried for hours when i told her and i knew she couldn't take being here so Cook said he'd take her place. He's like a brother really and he might aswell be considering none of his biological relations give a shit so i guess i'm the closest he's got and i quite like having a simbling but i'd never tell him that and he's a good laugh when we had the time to actually enjoy ourselves which had been very little considering all that's happened. I remember the time we went clubbing just me and him cause everyone else couldn't be arsed and we ended up sleeping on top of bradon hill completely monged before we mangaed to stumble home at some ungodly hour. It had been one of the few happy memories i will forever hold of this year. I'd miss him. I move my gaze onto the person next to him. The person who i wished i'd never have to see here, the person who i wish i didn't look at because one look at her made me want to break down until i knew i wouldnever get up again. She, out every person here makes me see how low i've gone. Not the judge, not the laywers, not the fact that my mum refused to see her daughter what could've been for the last time. No, it's that little redhead who i'm sure i've broken but to be honest i havn't just broken her i've ripped her to complete shreds. But the thing that hurts the most is that she hasn't gave up. She didn't leave, she didn't go off and hurt, hell she didn't even shout she just held on and never let go. It kills me because i know i'm the worst that could've ever happened to her yet she still holds on for dear life despite the fact that it'll always go to shit in the end. Her mother was fucking right, i'm not right for her. But it doesn't matter because she's still here, she's still sitting there letting tear after tear run down her creamy cheeks, she's still there with her eyes stuck onto that bastard that currently has my life in his hands, she's still there clutching on the rale infront of her for dear life letting her knuckles go as white as hospital walls. She doesn't even acknowlegde that Cook has his arm around her. She absoulty hates Cook because like many others she stills see's it as his fault. I keep telling myself that I'd die for her but it looks like she's already done it. She has been completely annihilated. I thought it was her who was trapping me but it was completely the other way round but maybe she trapped herself. I don't know and i don't think i'll ever know, she was never one to cause a fuss. That's Emily alright, always putting people before her own self. That's what i love so much about her, she's always one to give and doesn't care about recieveing. She'd never do that whole crap of doing something and excepting something in return. She's not a fake. I've always loved that maybe because all i ever wanted was someone to give me something when i was kid because nobody ever did, they always fucked off and left. I love her and i know she loves me, and i know that she's the reason why i'm so terrified right now. I couldn't think of anything more unbearable than not being able to see my Emily everyday, to not be able to wake up and see that breath taking smile which always leaves in such contempent that I'm beginning to think I've become a fully fledge addict. This the worse thing about love, as soon as you've had your hooked. All you want to do is just hold it in your grasp forever and ever so that you never have to live without it. The worse thing is that you know this not like any man made drug. Once you've experienced this you can never go without it. There's no subsitute, you've just got to have it. Plain and simple. Although there really is nothing simple about love at all and mix it with the life i've got, and you've got yourself a never ending carcrash.

I look away quickly as i feel a single moist drop make it's way down my cheek before i quickly wipe it away. This is not the time to break, you need to stay strong for everyone. I look down at my hands to find them just like Emily's, gripping onto the bar so tight that i can feel the small stabbing pains of splinters embedding themsleves into my hands. Normally I'd be curseing something terrible because I'm a drama queen like that but rihgt now i welcome it because it blocks out the thoughts that whrill round my head like a tornado on acid. I unlatch my hands from the wood to see them shakeing uncontrollably, i quickly latch them together and close my eyes but that only makes things one hundred times worse. All i think about when this all started that year ago.


	2. Chapter 2

BOOM, BOOM i felt the music rip through my body as i made my way through the mass of sweaty silohettes. Where the fuck is she I thought to myself as i pushed passed a guy with his tounge down some girls throat. Well it wasn't much of a surpise that I'd lost Emily. She always loved to dance, it was impossible for her to miss a beat but I on the other hand tried to stay away from the dance floor. Everytime we go out she'd always beg me to dance with her but luckly i was strong enough to remove my arm from her grasp before we reached the dance floor. She'd always give up after a while and always went off to do whatever the hell she did. I'd normally see at some point before the night ended, and that normally be in the bathroom where we'd do unthinkable things to eachother. I don't do danceing but that I'd be up for anytime. I eventually gave up trying to find Emily figureing that i might aswell try and enjoy my night instead of staying sober and alone. I eventually managed to navigate my way toward the bar. Once I'd managed to push my way through the queue i was able to order myself a drink. While i was waiting i spotted a rather gone Cook. He spun round

'NAOMIKINS,' he shouted waveing his larger can at me before fighting his way through the masses.

'Alright Cook?' I smirked at his apperence. His pupils the size of saucepans from whatever drug he got his hands on, his face glistening with sweat from the endless danceing.

'Fucking good night, right?' He motioned to the crowds jumping up and down.

'Yeah I suppose,' I shrugged, grabbing my drink off the bar. I saw his annoyingly charming smile spread across his face.

'Where's your bird?' He grinned.

'I don't know, in there somewhere,' I pointed to the people. He let out a howl of laughter, typical Cook.

'You better watch yourself Blondie. Tonnes of fit birds in there. Ems will be having a field day,' He bellowed over the music. I gave him a playful shove, but really i wanted to smack that fucking grin off his face. He seriously can get on my nerves sometimes, well most of the time actually.

'Fuck you,' I shouted into his ear. He howled into the air like a cayote.

'Fuck you right back,' He shouted back. I laughed at the memory. It seemed that in that classroom we seemed to come to some sort of fucked up understanding. 'Right I'm off. There's plenty of girls in here that are gagging to get licked by the Cookie Monster and i garentee you ain't one of them,' He joked before danceing his way back into the crowd. I shook my head while i took another sip of my drink. I started to survey the crowd. This really isn't my scene but Emily obviously likes it so i better get used to it i thought to myself. It started to dawn on me how much my relationship really was starting to affect me as a person. I'd never go out somewhere were i didn't want to, but then again i suppose that's what couples do don't they? You can't expect to find someone who likes and dislikes the exact same things as you. Anyways that would be like having another version of you around and that would be boring. It would be like getting to know yourself and there really is no point in that cause you already know how much of twat you can be ,so you think why would you want to be with anyone who's that fucking annoying. Also it's not just me that has done something to please the other. Ems came to a protest last week which was pretty good,well apart from when I punched that police officer in the nose and Emily dragged me away. She had a right go at me when we got home because I'd promised her that I wouldn't try and get us arrested, but what can i say he was being a twat and when two twats collided your fucking clueless to think that we shake hands and walk away. I was suddenly brought from my thoughts when i saw some sort of commotion forming in the crowds. I started to ignore it until i heard a famliar voice.

'THAT'S MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND YOU TOSSER!' I extend my neck looking like so fucked up flamingo to see a six foot plus bloke, with muscle like some fucking rugby player and he looked very pissed.

'Hey mate she wanted a GOOD fuck and i was glad to be of service,' Cook grinned back. Shit I thought. What the fuck should i do? That guy could rip Cook in two and to be honest I don't see me being in the way is really going to make any difference. I quickly looked from side to side to see any sign of Freddie or Thomas, hell I'd even take JJ but i found fuck all.

'Alright mate I'm gonna give you chance to walk away with that head of yours intact!' The muscle guy shouted. I was hopeing that Cook would just walk away but i this was Cook we're talking about. He wouldn't walk away from a fight even if it was Mike Tyson with a crowbar.

'Stop takeing the fucking pussy way out. Come on hit me!' He cried. Oh fuck it i thought before I sprinted through the crowd. Thank god i was wearing my flats. CRACK. I heard when i saw the guys fist come in contact with Cook's nose. Oh fuck. Suddenly the two became a horrible mess of fists and kicks. I managed to push through the last remaining people for grabbing Cook by the collar and with the help of some random guy i pulled him away from Mr Muscles. I pushed Cook out of the crowds and towad the exit. The late summer breeze was a great relief from being that sweat box.

'What the fuck did you think you were doing?' I shouted as i got him to sit down on the pavement.

'I was just trying to laid,' He casually shrugged.

'What i think you should be doing is calming the fuck down,' I replied as i looked at his blood covered nose.

'OW! Watch it,' He cried out in pain as i touched his nose.

'I don't think it's broken,' I replied as i sat down next to him.'What the fuck did you think you where doing trying to shag a girl when she has a boyfriend, who by the way was right next to you,' I questionned after a few minuets silence.

'Hey, don't have a go at me I was furfilling her wish of having a good shag I didn't know nothing about no boyfriend,' He defended.

'What are we going to do with you Cook,' I sighed. 'Seriously you gotta start sorting yourself out. You got your last year of collage coming up soon. Your last chance to actually do something with your life. You got to forget about her Cook, you've all got to,' I reached out to grab his hand giving it a comforting squeeze. He shook his head letting out a shakey sigh.

'It's not that easy Blondie. What would you do if I asked you just to give up Emily?' I wouldn't I thought to myself. I wouldn't even think of even doing it. I'd be a fucking idiot to give up her. I don't know what I'd do without Emily and i don't even want to think about it. After i don't reply i feeling Cook shake his head and stand up.

'I love her Naomi,' Everything gose quiet. Cook's a good guy, i really feel for him when all this shit happens. When you first meet him you think he's just an arrogant bastard that thinks only with his cock but really he's just vunerable as the rest of us, proabably more. He only puts on his front in some hope to scare away all the shit but it always finds a way to break through. I suppose why i can sort of sypathise with him. I had these walls that i seemed to have constructed after my cunt of a dad fucked off and everybody took one look at me and thought fuck it i'm not wasteing my time trying to befriend this moody cow, and that was fine with. If i had no sort of relationship with people then there was no risk of getting fucked up. That's what i thought until i met Emily. She wasn't like those other people. She was like this fearless warrior that battled and battled until she got what she wanted. She wasn't scared of being knocked down because she knew she could just get back up again like nothing had happened. I loved her for that but i also envied her for it aswell. She was just so naturally fearless that it had me so jelous because i was anything but fearless, i would've given anything just to be able to do things like she does. But now i get to watch my fearless redhead everyday and maybe i'll learn to.

'Do you have any money?' I heard Cook ask as he rumaged around his pockets. I checked my pokets and bag but found nothing. 'I need a fucking drink,' He huffed. I suddenly saw his trade mark grin come back to his face and it was weird how i realised that I had missed it since our little chat.

'What is it,' I asked, looking at him with pulled out two little bags each filled with white powder.

'Uncle Keiths speical blend,' He chuckled as he waved it in front of my face. 'I bet i could get a bit for this,' He mumered while looking over the bags. He threw me one of the bags over to me.

'Here, this for sexy knight in shining armour,' He laughed. 'See ya around Naomikins,' He chuckeled before walking back inside. I looked over the bag in my hands. Cook was right I probably could get quite a bit of cash for this and i needed the money. I've had my eye on these goggles for Ems . She absoultely fucking desperate for a pair explaining that her hair keeps getting in her eyes when she drives her scooter. Would i really deal? What if you get caught who knows what the fuck will happen to you especially since your finally happy for once in your miserably life. But it's for Emily and you just know she will be over the fucking moon when you give them to her, plus it means she safe. What would you do if Emily had an accident and it could've have been prevented if you hadn't been such a twat and got the money. The thoughts were whirling around my head, it was like one of those scenes you see in cheesy comdey shows when they have an angle on one shoulder and the devi, on the other. It wasn't until i looked across the road to find a newspaper stand _teen killed in moped accident_ that it dawned on me. Do it you twat, the next teen could be Emily and with that i march inside.

I must have been look for atleast an hour, just looking at each person i passed trying to find someone who would actually give me a good amount of money. I pushed my way through the crowds until i saw her. A petie girl, long wavy brown hair. She seemed to be alone and to be honest didn't look the type that went out and picked up all kinds of people. She looked alittle shy with the way she seem to hug herself and the way she kept her eyes to the floor avoiding any kind of contact only ever lifting her gaze to see if anyone was looking. Bingo i thought. I cautiously walked toward her, i didn't want to scare her away by waving a bag of Keith's death blend infront of her face, or better yet caught by some uncover cop on some sort of drugs bust.

'Hey!' I shout over the music, keeping my hand in my pocket never letting it release it's grip on the bag. Her head shot up at break neck speed that i thought her it would sperate from her shoulders.

'W..what?' she manged to get out, i'm not sure if she was scared or that she was just shocked that someone was talking to her. I sat down next to her before pulling the powder out my pocket.

'Do you wanna buy?' I motioned toward the bag. She looked down and her eyes suddenly widened at the site. I could see she was weighing out her options as her brow furrowed a few times. I kept looking around like some hyperactive lunatic to make sure no one was ready to throw my fucking arse to the ground. Eventually I got a reply.

'Okay,' Brillant i thought. Little did i know it was far from it.

Sixty fucking quid i got and i couldn't be any happier. Hell i was so happy i actually started to dance. I decided since i'm dancing i might as well find Ems. Eventually i found my redhead and she looked as georgous as ever. Her delicous curves swayed in complete harmony to the music, her arms doing their own little captvating dance. I was the luckiest twat in the world i thought as i made my way toward her. I could feel her tense up when i wrapped my arms around but when i shouted into her ear i felt her relax into my embrace.

'What's this,' She asked when she turned around. I gave her a confused look. 'Your danceing, you never dance. What's the occasion?' She giggled as she moved her hips against mine.

'No reason just having a good night,' I cried over the deafing music.

'I'm glad,' she smiled before she began to move against me. Seriously if i died tonight I'd be completely happy i thought as i swayed with my girlfriend.

After while the happy buzz of susscefully getting my hands on the cash had gone away and had left me with my normal grumpy self but luckily Em was tired so we got ourselves some drinks before heading up to balcony. Tonight really had been amazeing, i couldn't believe what a night I've had. Got sixty quid, drunk a few drinks to get myself into a merry state where i still had control of my body, and i got to spend the majority of it with my perfect redhead who is currently sitting in my lap trying to make herself seem no where near as drink as she actually is which it absoutely hilairous because she's makeing a complete fool out of herself but a beautiful fool, my beautiful fool. I suddenly see a flash of a white dress which i seem to recognise for some reason. I took another look to find it's that girl, the one i sold the powder to. She looked alot different than when i last saw her. There was no insecure or defensive holding of herself, if anything she looked a complete mess. Her makeup ran down her face, her hands gripped the metal bar for dear life just to get up the steps. Emily must've realised because she turned to see what i was looking. I felt her chuckle against me.

'Someones had a good night,' she slurred as she laid her head on my shoulder.

'Yeah,' I replied as i watch the girl stumble passed us. I suddenly felt unbelieveably guilty but i wasn't sure why. I mean there must have been tonnes of other people in the club that were just as bad as her or worse and they'd all go home and wake up tomorrow feeling a little shit but their lives still went on. SO why the fuck did i feel so guilty about giving some girl some drugs which actually seemed to make her come out of whatever shy bubble she'd locked herself in. I watched her make her way up the steps but was confused when she stopped at the railing. Everything suddenly went into slow motion as if my mind wanted me to remember this moment for the rest of life, like it wanted me to know every little detail down the finest detail so it would never be forgetton whether i liked it or not. She put one foot on the railing followed by another and very slowly made her up the metal work. I wanted to run over and throw her to the floor and stop whatever ever the fuck she was doing but i couldn't. My legs were frozen solid, they wouldn't even accomplish the tiniest of movments, even my lungs wouldn't work as i held my breath as she made her way up higher higher. It was if she was invisable and only i could see her, everyone else was just going about being normal without even a little care that a girl was about to end her life. Finally she got to the top rail and stood there for what felt like hours in this slowed down state i saw it all through but in reality it must've been only a few seconds. Suddenly my slowed vision stopped and everything suddenly came to life, everything became real when i really didn't want it to. It was the simplest of moves but it was the deadliest she probably has ever made in her entire life. A slight movement of blance and she was off, falling through the beat that erupted through the club, falling through the many cries for help, just falling and falling until she was stopped by the wooden fall. A harsh crack spread through the room and strangely could be heard over the music as if it was the onlysound being made it a silent room. I felt my lap suddenly go cold as Emily jumped off it and ran toward the balcony edge dragging me along, hot on her heels. I looked down but to be honest i didn't have a choice. Even if my mind didn't want to see i'm sure my body would anyway, just to show me what i've done, to show how much of a selfish, horrible little twat I've been. A crimson puddle surronded her wavy locks, her eyes wide open revieling the hauting brown that would forever fill my dreams. I felt Emily turn away and start to cry into my chest. I wanted to wrap my arms around her as a comfort but i couldn't. My brain was in complete overdrive trying to calm down the thoughts that passed through it, that it seemed to forget all about my limbs that stayed motionless like the useless peices of flesh they were. I looked down to see Cook looking up at me. His grin nowhere to been seen. His face showing the one and only thing on his mind.

_SHIT_


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a few days since the club incident and i had been on edge ever since. That night has been on constant replay in mind ever since it happened. I'm pretty sure Emily had noticed how fucking shit scared i was because she's asked me a few times if everything was okay. I just kept replying that i was still a little shook up from what i saw. She seem to buy it but it didn't stop her from asking me again and again. I wasn't just shook up i was absoutely petrified. I couldn't get that image out of my mind, that pool of red that was so dark that I could see my own reflection, those brown curls, knotted together as it drowed in the never ending trails of blood. But the worst of it all was her eyes, they haunted me all the time, whether i be awake or asleep. Those chesnut eyes that laid lifeless as she held a never ending, chilling stare. They were just looking at me, it was if she was accuseing me for everyone to see. She was just waiting in her cold, dead silence for me to fall to my kness and shout out loud all the demons that naw their way at my sanity. I couldn't even look at brown anymore, everytime i saw the colour I'd suddenly be shoved back into that club again, I'd be sitting in the exact same place and I'd already knew what was going to happen but my body still did not work, my body everytime was still a motionless wreck as i just sat there and watched the girl ruin my life over and over again. It was horrible i couldn't even look at the people i cared about in the eye anymore in fear that I'd have to watch that memory all over again. Luckily my mum is away with Kerion somewhere, off around Europe or some bullshit so i don't have to worry about looking at the warming brown that I've had my entire life. Although when she calls I had to use all the strength i can muster to not break down and sob down the phone. My mums happy , she's got someone and i didn't want to ruin it however annoying i found her. The worst is when I was with Emily, sweet, lovely Emily and I'd have to avoid every loving gaze she gives me. I knew it hurt her when i wouldn't look her in the eye but i wouldn't dare want to let her in on the sercret that is ever so slowly killing me. It's like tourture but maybe that's what she wanted, maybe this why she did it, she wanted me live with this guilt forever because I was so happy with my girlfriend and friends that it was too much for one person to have, i was being greedy and because of that I needed it ripped from me. There was never a time that I wouldn't be thinking about it. It had got into my mind and made tonnes and tonnes of copies so that if i tried to delete it it would just keep coming back again and again.

We'd been back at collage for a few days now and everybody was still shaken. Although for some people it was the club, for others it was the fact that they had to see again the people that nearly ruined them. Freddie looked an absoulte nervous wreck sat as he sat in that skanky plastic chair never takeing off the door, obviously looking for one mysterious brunette, but she never showed. JJ seemed to find his hands alot more interesting than anything that was going on around him, althought i think he just dosen't want to make eye contact with me. I'm over the whole great love affair he had with my Emily but it didn't mean that i didn't want to smack him around the face when he looks at her. I know they are only friends but the twat had his hands where only mine should be. But today I'm really not too bothered because I've got way more important things on my mind. Cook probably looked the worse out of all of us, he kept trying to mask everything with a few crude jokes and a grin but everyone could see his hands tremble, but i was the only one that knew why. We've talked a couple of times since it happened, I had a few free lession and he didn't give a shit if he skipped his own classes so we managed to chat then. We both agreed we just needed to stay low and let it blow over. To the police this was just an accident. A girl was having too much of a good time, had a bit more than she could handle and I don't know thought she was wonder woman or something. It would be so nice if things could be like that , if things could just be that easy but things are never like that and we just got to live with it. The police had come in to ask everyone some questions but nothing too bad just things like what was Sophia like and did she have many friends and all that crap. Today they were going through the 'C's' so that meant me and Cook. Why the fuck did i get blessed with name so far up the alphabet. Why couldn't i have one like Zwilling or something. Oh well no point complaining i might as well get this over and done with.

'Come in Miss Cambpell,' said a woman in a smart suit. As soon as i saw i swear I shrunk to borrower size. She was fucking intimadating. She sat there with the fakest smile plastered over her plump features. The smile was there to fool you but it was doing a shit job, her cold, dark eyes showed what she really thought, she really wanted to wrap her hands around my neck and squeeze the answers out of me.

'Please take a seat Naomi,' she motioned to the orange plastic chair that was dull from years of use. 'I'm DS Blunt and i just wanted to ask you in here to ask you a few question about Sophia, nothing to get worked up about,' she stated, still with a fake smile which left me more uncomfortable than if she looked as if she wanted to smack me around the face. I didn't reply, I didn't want to say anything in fear that I'd let something slip so i just sat and waited for her to take lead.

'Did you know Sophia?' she asked as she sat back an crossed her arms in some failed attempt to make this seem as natural as possible.

'N..no,' I simply replied although i cringed when i heard the uncertainty in my voice. She murmmered something and looked behind her to a man who must've been typeing up our interveiw. He gave her a knowing look before looking back at me.

'Okay, Tell me about your night at the club,' she ordered trying to keep the frustration down in her voice.

'Nothing much to tell really, i went in had a few drinks, danced for a bit then went home,'

'You didn't see Sophia at all?' she questionned as she leaned in closer.

'No, I didn't,' i assured. I started to get terribly nervous, the looks those two passed between eachother made it seem like they knew something i didn't.

'What time did you leave, before or after the incident?' I started to wonder which one i should go with. She must've have seen me trying to weigh out the options. 'I think you should think about your answer very carefully here,' she stated as leaned in even closer.

'After,' Her glare faded into a bit of a smile. She obviously must've known when i left which got me even more worried as to what else she knows.

'Well i'm glad you're starting to tell the truth Naomi, so i'm going to ask you again. Did you or did you not know Sophia,' she demanded the frustraion alot more prodominet.

'No, I didn't,' I assured because i was telling the truth, i only ever knew about from when i sold her the stuff i thought to myself. She let out a frustrated sigh and ran a hand through her dirty blonde, unkempt hair looking up at me. She dark blue eyes trying to probe me for information, she didn't seem to get very far as she started to continue.

'That's not the note says,' she stated before turing around to grab an airtight, clear bag with a scruffy peice of paper inside. My heart started to go crazy inside my chest, i felt it hammer away at my ribcage, i felt my hands shake uncontrollably under the desk. I quickly grasped them together to try and stop the shakes from being noticed by the chuckle brothers in front of me.

'Would you like me to read it out?' she nodded toward the note. I didn't do anything apart from keep my wide eyes on the paper.

'I'm sorry i had to do this, i couldn't take it any longer. Life was just too much, I just can't go on. Please don't be upset I did this because it's what is best for everyone. Matt I'm sorry but I wanted to be happy and I tried but I just couldn't cut it, please forgive. Thankyou Naomi for your help I hope you have a good life, please make the most of what you've got,' I was frozen, it was like being back in that club, limbs wouldn't work, my lungs couldn't fill with air, not even my eye lids moved. I thought i was dead but it wasn't until i heard a faint voice that my body started to work again.

'Naomi?' DS Blunt asked. I drew in a long breath and started to wiggle my toes and finger underneath the desk just to make sure they actually did still work.

'I.. I don't even know her, you've got me confused with someone else,' I pleaded and i had to enternally scold myself for sounding so weak.

'There are only three Naomi's in this collage includeing you, the other two I've already spoken to them and I've proof they weren't even at the club the night Sophia died,' she challenged while putting the note behind her on the typeing man's desk.

'Look we are still early on in this investigation but every bit of information is vital. You help us and we can find out who did this to your friend,' I suddenly looked up in confusesion. Her voice sounded alot more sincere, she feels sorry for me? Keep calm Naomi just make up some bolloks and you can get out here and everything will be fine. 'I know this can seem a bit daunting talking to the police especially after someone close has gone but you've got help us,' she gave me a smile but it wasn't like the other fake ones she'd been putting out before this was warming and comfortining.

I finally managed to get out the of the interview room after i made up some crap about how close she was to her brother and how i didn't think she'd do this. DS Blunt seemed to buy it and i was free to go. As soon as the interview door closed i ran as fast as i could through the full corridor. My heart was still going mad after what i heard from Sophia's note that i just needed to get out, i needed to be out in the open just so i feel freedom again, i craved it after those thirty minuets I'd had with out it. I'm not much of a runner but i was fucking flying as i pushed passed the mass of students. I was so out of it that i didn't even realise that I pushed Emily to the floor to get to the exit. I finally managed to get outside to the green. I saw the massive tree in the corner and collapsed against it. I quickly grabbed my fags and lighter out of my bad but my hands where shakeing so much that i couldn't work the fucking thing. I growled in frustraion as i threw my lighter across the green. I threw my head back against the tree and ran a hand threw my hair in some attempt to regain a natural breathing pattern. I closed my eyes and i heard a click in front of me. I opened my eyes to find a light at the end of my fag that hung from my mouth. I looked up to see two familar, mysterious blue eyes looking down at me. Effy.

'Where the hell have you been?' I asked once i got my fag to light. She down next to me and sparked up a cigerette up for herself.

'Does it matter I'm here now,' she stated while looking across the green.'Seems alot has happened while I've been away,' she chuckled. I put my head in my hands and let out a frustrated sigh.

'Like you wouldn't fucking believe,' I muttered into my hands. Could this year get anyworse?


	4. Chapter 4

**It's only a short one but i figured that I couldn't leave you waiting till Monday. Yep I'm off to T4 on the beach in about an hour so i won't be around for the rest of the weekend and i'll probably be recovering from a very bad hangover on the monday morning and i won't be arriveing back till late afternoon on monday, trouble with living so far up north isn't it. Ah well i hope you're all okay adn i hope you enjoy the chapter. Oh and by the way I'd love it if you would review. Seriously getting reviews is like an addiction, I'll be going to RA (reviews anonymous)meetings soon tee hee ;)**

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This is complete bullshit. I've been sitting in this hall for two fucking hours now, just watching people enter a room then leave. I'm not one for the whole education bollocks but I would rather take that than this. It's just pointless, they have to bore us just because some bint decided to top herself, well fuck it I'd had enough. I thought as I made my away toward the exit. I was suddenly stopped when some wanker in a prestine blue suit grabbed my shoulder. What did this skinny little fucker thinks he's doing. I saw him cower a bit when i turned to glare a him, and he calls himself a fucking detective. They'll hire any fucker now.

'Erm, where do you think you're going?' He asked trying not to let the fear be detected in his voice. Seriously he looked so close to about shitting himself that i probably would've have laughed my head off if i wasn't so pissed at them lot for keeping us waiting around for so long.

'Look i just need to go to the toliet man, I'll be back in a second,' I pointed toward the door before i spun round. I was about to grab the door handle when i heard that annoying old hag call again.

'Cook, James,' Her whiney voice hung through the room like the cloud of spilff smoke in Freds shead. I let out a frustrated sigh before turning around to meet this moody old cow. I wasn't going to argue with her, she looked fucking scary. She probably had more balls than the entire Bristol police force put together, although it didn't take much. Pussies, every last one of them.

I trudged toward the door makeing my way passed the fizzy haired dective.

'Take a seat Mr Cook,' she motioned to the plastic chair. That fucker who tried to stop me from leaveing was sitting at a desk behind the woman, hunched over the keybard trying not to make eye contact with me. Fucking coward I thought as i sat back in the chair, arms crossed.

'Mr Cook my names DS Blunt and I garentee you already know what this about so I'll cut to the chase,' she stated as she leant forward.

'You where there the night Sohpia died so tell me, did you see the person that sold her the drugs,' she growled, looking at me with an accuseing glare. I wanted to laugh out loud. If she thinks she can make the Cookie monster squim like little girl then she got another thing coming.

'Nah I didn't and sounds like you're accuseing me of sumthin,' I stated finshing it with a little grin just to piss her off.

'Well you can't blame me. I hear you got yourself a bit of a reputation around here, a bit of a party animal,'

'Yep. Sounds about right,' I chuckled.

'This isn't funny Mr Cook a girl has died,' she growled, her voice getting louder. When i wouldn't reply she turned around to the typeing wakers table and retreived a peice of paper.

'According to the samples we took from Sophia's blood when found she an interesting array of drugs in her system. MDMA, LSD, Cocaine. Looks to be some kind of blend. You care to shead any light on that,' she asked as she put the the paper in front of me. As if i knew what it fucking ment I thought but i looked over it just to make use of myself.

'Nah, never had the stuff,' I shrugged.

'You really expect me to believe that?' she laughed sacastically.

'Believe whatever you want,' I shrugged again. I started to smile internally as she got more and more worked up. She looked like she was going to explode, all red faced and erratic breathing. I wanted to laugh, she looked like a fucking tomato that smokes sixty a day. She sucked in a long breath and held it in before blowing it out. Once she composed herself she turned back round to the table gain.

'You know Naomi? Naomi Campbell,' she asked as she placed a plastic bag with a peice of paper in front of me. I swore i felt my heart coming up my throat ready to be spat out when i heard her name. What the fuck they got on her I thought as I leaned in to look at the note. SHIT I thought to myself as i read it over. She must have noticed my changed in charater as i heard her let out a little laugh. Fucking bitch.

'Alright now I've finally got your attention I'm going to ask you again. Did you see anybody give Sophia the drugs?' I quickly looked up at her dark eyes. I was starting to realize why this bird was a detective, I was fucking bricking it. Come Cook sort yourself, stop being a pussy. Naomi's depending on you to daft bastard. I suddenly put back on my poker face and was rareing to go.

'Nah I didn't see nothing. I passed out in the toliet. Too much to drink. Like you said I'm a party animal, never know when to say no,' I grinned. That wiped that smikrk off the cows face. I was expecting her to turn around and bring out another peice of evidence or something but nothing came. Eventually after a few more minuets of mindless bullshitting I was free to go. Although i still wanted to know if they had anything else. Better to be safe than sorry.

'Cya round then,' I waved to the unamused detect as i headed to the door. As i walked toward the typeing guys table i noticed the folder with all the evidence was carelessly perched on the edge of the table. It's now or never i thought. I 'carelessly' walked into the table knocking the folder flying along with all the papers that scattered themselves across the room.

'Oh no I'm sorry mate,' I said over apolijectically as i bent down to pick the papers up. I heard DS Blunt mutter a little 'fucking hell as she sat at her desk leaving the typeing prat to pick up the stuff. As i picked up the papers i managed to have a little glance. They were all just meaningless statments from everybody they'd already interviewed, a load of shit basically. Once me and the typeing twat picked up the papers i was free to leave. Not before giving one last glare, i laughed as i saw him cower behind his latop. They got shit I thought happily as i walked toward the exit I needed a fag.

Once i managed to get outside i decided to go over to the usual place, the tree on the green. I was gonna go to the green but when I saw it i decided against it. I turned out it was occupied but normally I'd tell the fuckers to get to fuck but i didn't feel like doing it today. Naomi was there and she looked a little shook up but that wasn't what I was bothered about. Next to her 'she' sat. The girl who i wanted to hate but just fucking couldn't. She'd ruined me, us. She destroyed my friendship with my two best friends. It still wasn't fucking right and i was pissed because all it took was her and nice arse to just waltz in a break the only thing close to family i had. But what i hated the most that even though she did that I still fucking loved her. I thought i was going to cry. Shut up Cookie, stop being a pussy and just walk away and have a fag for fuck sake. Yeah i was right. So that's what I did. I'll tell blondie later that they had shit on us I thought as i swaggered off.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey long time no write. I'm sorry for taking so long but when i got back from T4 i was knackered. I didn't get any autographs sadly but I did say hello to Gok Wan so I suppose that's a bonus. Anywho I feel this story is going quite slow and I'm sorry for that but I promise that I'm doing something about that, it's just trying to get back into the feel of writeing is just takeing more time than i thought. Anyway I did orignally think that I was going to have some more free time on my hands but sadly that plan has changed. I've finally agreed to move down to london with my girlfriend so she can be closer to her family so it looks like I'm going to be spending alot of my time flat hunting. ARGH! ! ! ! IS THERE ANYTHING WORSE? But I'm hopeing the travelling up and down the country will fuel my writeing so don't give up on me yet. Right so on with the story shall we :) oh and before I forget if you live in the UK or if you can get it online I suggest you watch the second part of the drama thing Dive, it's got Jack O'Connell in it and it's pretty good. Right NOW on with the story**

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There's something wrong but there's always something fucking wrong. I think our group are just those people that can never ever have a sense of normality in there lives, it's always got to be a never ending drama and for once i wish we could just sit back and be bored. I think our summer was probably the closer we actually got to that, but that's probably because I never saw anyone else but Naomi and my family on the odd ocasion. But as soon as we get back to everyone, get back to reality the sercrets start to come to life all over again.

Naomi thinks she's good, she thinks she's got it all covered but really she's far from it. There's something wrong and to be honest I'm not sure i actually want to know what it is, i want to stay in this bubble forever and just bask in the love that we seem to shock through each other. Knowing things means you have to live with them to, you have to carry around that heavy load that tires you out and you have no choice but to just hold it until exhausted arms brake under it's weight, leaving it to all spill out at once in a horrible mess of heart break. This is why you should never keep sercretes because it drags you down, it sufforcates you like a second skin, it makes the simplest of tasks the most exhausting things known to man. You try so hard to not let it slip that it slowly drags you into a state of despair, fatigue and a hole load of other shit, and if that isn't enough, once you've finally plucked up the courage to actually say it out load it's always way too late, you've already dug a hole that's impossible to break free from. The only way of breaking free is to take everything that everyone throws at you which can either make you or completely break you. The most fucked up thing is everyone does it, everyone keeps sercrets and if they say they don't then they are obviously the worst liars known to man. I really don't understand why people do it, people see what it does to everyone around them, how it can completely ruin people yet we still do it to ourselves anyway. But the thing i hate the most is the fact that even though i know what the knowledge of these sercrets do to people I still want to know them. Some people just couldn't give a fuck and I'd love to be able to have that outlook but i find it impossible. Naomi says it's down to the fact that I want to help everybody and that I do everything in my power to help people. I think it's because I'm actually secretly somebody that has to get their nose in everybodies problems, but i think I'll take Naomi's outlook on it. It makes me sound better.

Naomi. The girl who I've loved since I first met all those years ago in secondary school, the girl who I have spent the last two months in a breath takeingly beautiful relationship with. I somethimes still can't believe I'm actually her girlfriend. Me, little old Emily, the shy, dorky, nowhere near as sexy twin of Katie Fitch who actually has something _she _wants, something she's longed for, for six whole years. I seriously expect just to wake up and see this is all a dream, that all the tears, the sercret kisses, the sly skin tingleing touchs, the running, the heart ache. It was all for nothing, that i was ging to wake up back in my room and just live the rest of my life longing for those terribly hipnotic blue each day I wake up with the bigest smile spread across my face because I realize this is complete reality.

Reality is suppose to be horrible, scary, depressing, it's an eye opener to show you how boring your life really is, how none of it is like it's portrayed in the moives or on tv. Your suppose to wake up into to reality and think of it as 'just another day'. Dreams are the things that we long for, the things that make us happy, the things that make encourage you to live on with reality because there's that little thing inside your head which genually believes that all those dreams will eventually break out of their world of pure bliss to dig themselves into our grey, dull, depressing world of reality. Sometimes it happens and sometimes it doesn't. I think it depends on the person, if you believe, if you keep striveing forward and takeing everything that reality throws at you, and you come out of every fight, every tear, every heart break and you still believe then those dreams then they are eventually going to see that you need this and get off their arses and help you. If you don't believe, if you just decide to sit back and blend in then their not going to see you are they? Although I'm pretty sure that there's people out there that have believed with every fiber of their being and still haven't had the oppertunity to see their dreams held out before them but I try not think of that, but it's hard for me not to. I can't help but feel for the people out there who have been to hell and back and still have nothing to say for it, but again Naomi keeps assuring me that I care way too much.

I kept believeing and even though there were times were I thought i simply could not go on I still always thought of my dream, that blonde and blue within my arms and suddenly the fight to believe got fired up all over again. When the day came that my dreams thrashed their way into my reality I relaized that everything I'd put myself through was worth it. All the tears and fights just seemed like tiny little gliches because the blonde that I got to hold everyday completely over took the heartbreaking memories that onced filled me. When I didn't have my dream I never thought about what happens after you recieve the dream but then again nobody really does, they think that the dreams will make life perfect and they don't think about the aftermath. They just get sidetrack by the image of perfection. To be honest if I knew what the aftermath to this bliss then I think I might of had second thoughts about going into battle in the first place for it.

It's four weeks since the the whole club incident and the entire place is still on edge. All the teachers try and pull this ' bring back normality' nonsence on us and if anything it makes us all think more about. People try so hard trying to avoid it that then end up getting stuck in the middle of it. It's like we will all be talking and then we'll see one of those police poster about calling them if we have any information and everybody will suddenly stop. The sight of that young girl looking back at us will suddenly take us into a vaccum, nobody speaks, nobody hears, we're just there, just floating in a blank thought. Eventually somebody will managed to pull themselves out and send out a helping hand to the rest in the form of 'so what we doing tonight' or 'we should get to lessons', and that's all it takes and everyone goes back to normal but it still so very far from normal. I've noticed a change in everybody, some people it's like they can't sit still longer than five minuets before they have to get up and walk away, Naomi's one of these people as is Cook. I tried questioning her about it but she shrugs it off saying she's fine. Its the one thing that annoys me so much about her, we've been together and I share everything going on with me and she takes it with open arms, always holding me close and kissing my temple anytime my mum goes off on one about this all being a phase, yet she's still a closed book to me. I just hope she can tell before it destroys her.

We sat there in the common room like we did everyday before lessons started, just catching up and stuff. It was nice, everyone was laughing and jokeing and nobody had thrown any rude comments at eachother or tried rip eachothers faces off so it was definatly an improvement. We didn't see the police around that much now since they've already finished interviewing us all but they do drop by once in a while just to see if anybody had anymore information, nobody did. I sat there on Naomi's knee just enjoying the comfort of normality, maybe they had finished the investigation, the police were hardly around and I hadn't seen anymore of those posters around, maybe we can now getting our lives back on track. My hope was suddenly crushed when an uniformed policeman came through the doors with a few papers in his hand. Everyone went quiet, we all just sat there and watched the blur of black and white tape three posters to the notice board at the back of the room. Nobody moved until he walked out the door he came in from and even then the unearthly silence still remained. I noticed Cook give Naomi a look. I turned to see that she seemed to find her shoes alot more interesting than anyone else. I tucked my finger under her chin to meet my gaze.

'You alright?' I mouthed. She forced a smile and nodded before reassureing me with a kiss. Looks like that normality plan will have to be put on hold I thought with a sigh as i cuddled into Naomi. Suddenly the common room doors burst open and in walked Dough.

'If I could have your attention please!' He called even though nobody had made a sound since that polieman walked in. I guess it must be a natural thing to do considering we would normally be right twats and just ignore him.

'The police would like to interview some people again. Naomi Campbell, James Cook and Thomas Tomone would please follow me,' I turned to see Naomi giving Cook an alarmed look and oddly Cook was throwing one right back at her. I understood Thomas going, it was his club night after all, maybe they just wanted a list of people who were there or somethign but I looked over and both Thomas and Panda looked worried. Thomas nodded toward Panda and she reluctantly got off his lap. Cook nodded toward Naomi and got up. I gave Naomi a confused look.

'I'll be right back I promise,' she whispered as I let her go through the doors.

Nobody has made a sound, everybody has there eyes glued to the door. It had been about hald an hour until Thomas walked in, by himself. He'd only just got through the door and Panda was chokeing him in what looked to be a bone crushing hug.

'I didn't think you were gonna come back, i thought they'd taken you forever,' she sobbed into his chest. He chuckled before whispering something into her ear and giving her kiss, everybody went quiet again. Only the simple things like coughing for rustleing of clothes against chairs could be traced in the silence. Finally after god knows how long, although it probably only was a few more minuets, Cook walked through the door, his annoying grin on his mug. He sat back down in his place between JJ and Katie before he sighed followed by.

'Sorted,' he smiled to everyone. Nobody smiled back but I noticed Thomas glareing at, seriously if looks could kill Cook would be on the floor right now. I thought they'd sorted the whole Panda, Cook thing between them. Although a part me was saying this had nothing to do with that. I didn't really want to comtemplate that so I just fixed my gaze back onto the door. I felt Katie rub my arm, I turned to see her giving me a reassured smile. It didn't settle my nerves but It's nice to know her hearts in the right place. Even though I havn't seen my whole family much over the summer I've always kept in touch with Katie. We met up quite a bit just me and her, I promied at the love ball that I wasn't going to forget her and I do intend to keep that promise. Anyways now that she's finally gotten over the whole her sisters gay thing she really has been a great sister. It reminds of how we used to be when we were little, no being in the shadows just us having a laugh being best friends as well as sisters.

'What did they want mate?' I heard Freddie ask. Cook shrugged casually.

'Are nowt mate, just some stuff about the club, nothing the get ya knickers in a twist about,' He reassured but none of us looked convinced. Everyone started to go in something of a conversation, although it was still full of tension. Nobody really could keep their concentration off the door to really have much of a meaningful conversation. We all suddenly jumped out of our seats when the bell went singaling the start of the first lession of the day. Everybody started to move but I just sat transfixed by the ghastly, blue, splintered door. I jumped alittle when i felt a hand on my shoulder.

'You coming Em?' Effy asked, that mysterious blue looking like they actually gave a shit. After I didn't speak I heard her say something else. 'I'm sure she'll be with us soon, come one,' she said as she urshered me toward the door which has had my undivided attention all this time on. It was wierd for Effy to being the one to talk and leaveing someone else to be the speechless one, this is one for the books I thought as i took my seat next to her in English. Freddie was sitting on her other side and I couldn't help but notice the smiles they gave eachother but I also noticed the glare Cook was giving them from the oppisite side of the room. Too much too soon I thought as I tried to wiped away the unmoveable thought of Naomi so I could consentrate on the lesson.

My mind was going into overdrive when Naomi didn't come in through the entire English lesson. I didn't take in a single peice of information as I kept my eyes glued to the door waiting for my blonde baby to just walk through the door and put my nagging demons to rest. Effy must have felt my worry as she put a comforting hand on my shoulder. Looks like somebodies done a hell a lot of changeing over the summer, it's like a complete transformation. Before the summer Effy wouldn't have touched my with a six foot pole but there she was giving me comforting touches and reassureing smiles, the mystery was still there but it was a warm inviteing sort of mystery. But still even with all her effects I couldn't settle the worries that wracked my brain.

Please be alright Naomi I thought as I made my way to my next lesson.


	6. Chapter 6

**Well since I left you for so long I thought I'd put up another chapter. Well I've got work tomorrow so I hould really be getting some sleep so goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite ;) Oh and I almost forgot here's the part where I beg for reviews, you know how much I love reading your opinions whether they be good bad or just plain disturbing :) THANKS AGAIN  
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FUCK OFF! I thought as I tossed and turned in my bed. Everytime I closed my eyes all I could see was her. That brown, that blood, that fucking white dress, it's only thing on my mind. Just to forget for a hour would be like a fucking holiday. In the end I decided just to give up , tonight is just going to be like every other night, a sleepless one. I carefully un tucked my legs from under the duvet being careful not to wake Emily. I turned on the bedside light, letting it's glow fill the room. God sake this is getting ridculos. I'm luckly to get a couple hours sleep a night, luckily Emily is a deep sleeper so she hasn't noticed my absents from our bed. I turned to look at her, her silky red lock sprawled over the pillow. The red looked ten times more vibrant against the pale pillow. I sighed as I carefully laid back down next to her and slowly ran my fingers through the red in front of me, letting the silk run effortlessly through my fingers. How much longer of this ? I thought. How many more sleepless nights? How many more days of living in complete fear of being caught? This wasn't life, I bet bloody prison is better than this. I hardly talk to Em any more. I can't look her in the eye or touch her skin without letting the horrible guilt drown me. We havn't made love in weeks and it kills me over and over again when I know she's so close and I can't bring myself to touch her. These hands killed somebody, I could never taint her with them.

I sighed and pulled my hand away from her hair on realization of my skin touching her. Pull yourself together you daft cow. I rolled my eyes before I got up and made my way downstairs. I went into the kitchen and decided on makeing myself a cup of tea. Why is that people make tea when things are going wrong? You see it in crime dramas. When they've got to break the news that a loved one has died they give them tea as if it will take all their sorrows away. If only I thought as I sipped on the boiling hot liquid. I sat at the table just listening to the silence, I sighed as i let it wash over me, maybe I want it to drown me, just let it end everything now just to make everything a hell of alot easier. It's simple, I just reach into a draw pull out the biggest blade I can find and ram it into my torso over and over again until I find it physically impossible to do it again. Come on Naomi you know the draw it's in, we all know you've already thought of the perfect blade to use, just do it you know you want to. Fucking hell I thought as I vigorously shook my head to wipe away the other me that seemed to have taken over, the dark and quite frankly disturbing me. What the fuck is wrong with you, don't ever think like that again, think about Emily. What would happen to her if you decided just to give it all up because you got a little scared. She'd probably be a hell of a lot better off. What? No she wouldn't, she loves you, she couldn't take you leaveing her like that so just stop thinking and start trying to go back to sleep. Fucking hell I'm going fucking mental.

I'm suddenly ripped from my thoughts when I heard a knock at the door. Who could this be a three in the morning I thought as I cautiously made my way toward the door. I peeked through the small window to find a shivering Cook on my doorstep. Urgh, what does he want? I opened the door and let the shivering boy passed.

'Fucking freezeing out there Naomikins,' He said as he rubbed his arms. I stood there with my arms crossed waiting for an explanation for his sudden apperence. He obviously hasn't registered my expression as he decided to make himself at home as he ratched through the cupboards before he grabbed himself a biscuit and a beer from the fridge. I don't question him because he does it everytime he comes round so I've just gotten used to it.

'Are you gonna tell me what you're doing here Cook,' I asked as I leaned against the kitchen door frame. He chuckled as he stuff another biscuit in his mouth follwed by a mouth full of beer. Once it all goes down he lets out a massive burp. Pig, I thought.

'I just thought I'd pop round,' he joked as he took another swig of his beer.

'No friend pops round at three in the fucking morning,' I pointed out as I sat oppisite him.

'Nobodies normally up to answer the door at this time,' he retorted, looking very pleased with himself. Oh funny how long you've been waiting to use that one Cook?.

'You know fine fucking well why I'm up,' I snapped.

'Ah just leave it, just forget man,' he shrugged as he downed the last of his beer before going back for another.

'I'm sorry Cook I'm not a selfish bastard like you. I can't just forget that I killed somebody,' I whispered, makeing sure that Emily didn't hear anything even though i knew she'd still be out of it, very deep sleepier that one.

'You didn't kill her. It wasn't like you put a bullet in her, or strangled her or nufing,'

'I might as well of done,' I murmered. We suddenly go into a silence. It's not uncomfortable but it's not comfortable either, it's just there, it's a bit odd really but it's better than having to talk, talking just seems to drain you epesically when it's something as fucked up as this. Eventually the silence is broken. I don't like talking but my curiosity is getting the better of me.

'What you doing here Cook?' I asked. He shrugged as he started to pick away at the beer label.

'Just wanted to make sure you were alright after that interview. You didn't say anything did you?' I laughed internally at Cook, it's funny watching him trying to not give a shit when really he's itching to know details. I'll throw him a bone, but just this once.

'No ofcourse not. They just wanted to know some stuff about her,'

'Like what?'

'Just what her interests were and if she had any other friends or girlfriends,'

'She gay? Maybe she wanted a good time Naomes,' he joked but stopped laughing when he saw my unamused expression.

'Don't even go there Cook,' I warned

'Alright I'm sorry, just a bit on edge you know,' he reasoned. 'What did you say to them,'

'Well I didn't really have much to go on apart from that I knew she was in the cadets and she had a brother that she was close to but they seemed to buy what i said,' He nodded and mumbled good over and over again. 'What did they ask you?'

'Ah just asking me if I knew anyone that could get there hands on some the drugs,'

'What did you say?'

'Nobody ofcourse. Look don't worry alright they got shit on us. I told you that after the first time and they didn't show me anymore evidence and that folder looked no bigger than last time so were're fine,' he reassured. I nodded. Maybe he's right, this'll just all blow over and before you know everything will be back to normal. Fuck that's what i said after my first interview and that was three goddamn weeks ago and I still feel the same guilt if not more now than I did then. It's silent again but this time Cook is the one to break it.

'How you holding up?' he asked looking genuinely worried.

'I'm not, I can't fucking sleep without seing her, can't look at my girlfriend in the eyes anymore without seeing her. I havn't been able to make love to my girlfriend in weeks in fear that I'm going to let everything spill and don't you start thinking dirty thoughts because now is not the time,' I said as I feel the unfamilair sting of tears.

'I'm not,' he shot back. I started to feel the tears fall down my cheeks and once they've started they don't seem like they're going to stop. Cook must have noticed as I feel his arms wrapped around me.

'Hey, it's gonna be alright I promise,' He murmed as he kissed my cheek. It's weird, I'm not the crying type but fuck me I've never felt such a great feeling in weeks, it's like a tonne has been lifted from my shoulders with just a few drops. I get a bit of a shock when I felt Cook tighten his grip on me and I suddenly feltl tiny drops of water soak through the material on my shoulder. I don't question it I just tightened my grip around him and let us both quietly sob into each others shoulder.

That night Cook slept on the sofa and I made my way back up to my room, I crawled into bed and as soon as my head touched the pillow i was swept away into one the greatest sleeps of my life. It probably wasn't the best but when you've been deprived of it, it certainly feels like the best when you have it again.

I woke up that morning feel tonnes better, it's probably been the first morning I've woken somewhat happy since the club. I looked over to see Emily still fast asleep, her red locks stil spilled over the pillow. It was weird, I hadn't thought about any of it, since I'd woken up Sophia hadn't entered my thoughts once, may it was the sleep but I still had a feeling that once I left this room reality would kick in again and it would saturate my thoughts all over again. Well i might aswell make the most of it. I carefully wrapped my arms around her petiet waiste and slowly and ever so softly planted little butterfly kisses along her shoulder and up her neck. I felt her start to stir as i made my way across her cheek and by the time I'd found her lips she was wide awake, her dazzleing smile makeing my stomach do somersaults like it always did.

'Morning,' she sighed as she rubbed her sleep ridden eyes.

'Good morning to you to,' I replied raiseing my eyebrows. She must have known what I was getting at because before I knew it we were there tangled beneath the sheets, makeing very missed love.

My suspcions became true because as soon as I came downstairs and turned of the news to find yet another story about Sophia I found my thoughts being filled with her all over again. When Emily came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me I couldn't help but bolt across the kitchen from her. I turned to see her hurt expression but she was stopped from asking any questions when Cook came through the door. He saw the tv and immediatly turned it off. Emily gave him a confused and looked back at me.

'What the fuck you doing here Cook?' she asked, hands on hips. Not many people believed it but Emily could be just as much as a scary bitch as Katie, I seriously never wanted to get on her bad side but looks like i was going to be today. Cook suddenly went speechless but luckily I managed to convince her that he was drunk and passed out on our doorstep and I said he could stay. She bought it but never the less she still looked pissed off at the both of us. We ate breakfast in an unbelieveably awkard silence. Eventually Cook decided to leave and once he left Emily did not hold back with the questions.

'What the fuck is going on Naomi?'

'What you mean,' I shrugged casually as I kept my gaze away from her as I pretened to read the newspaper in front of me.

'Don't play dumb Naomi it doesn't suit you,' she snapped as she ripped the paper from my gaze. 'I don't know what has gotten into you but you're really starting to worry me. You havn't been right since that night at the club,' I physically winced when she said club. 'We havn't had sex since then, you try to stay away from me at all cost, hell you won't even look me in the eye anymore. Naomi look at me,' she ordered. I slowly lifted my head until I could see, I wished I hadn't bothered. Those brown orbs suddenly sending me back into the club, that white fabric elegently flowing through the air until it spread across the wooden floor, slowly the white stainned to red. 'Naomi, Naomi' I suddenly am brought back, I breath when I realized that I'm sat back in the familar kitchen.

'Naomi are you even listening?' I heard Emily snap.

'Yeah!' I argued back.

'Naomi I hardly recognise you anymore. Just let me in and I can help you,' She streched out her hand over mine. I wanted to pull away but her grip was too strong, I slowly feel my hand relax into hers and I sighed and slowly shook my head.

'I don't want you to get hurt,' I whispered.

'What?' Her face a mixture of worry and confusion.

'I'll tell you when it's safe,' I whispered again as I pulled my hand away and looked down at my fingers as I nervously entwined them. I heard Emily sigh with frustration.

'Okay, whatever,' she snapped before she pushed her chair away and stormed upstairs. Half an hour later I hear the front door being slammed shut followed by the roaring of a scooter.

_Fuck_


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello again, long time no write. I'm sorry for not updateing sooner it's just I've been having a very busy week flat hunting. Oh well it's the weekend and I should still be flat hunting but i thought i couldn't leave you guys hanging for so long so I thought I'd update. Anyway I hope you enjoy and I'll try to update sooner next time. oh and as you know all reviews are appreciated :) Thanks again guys!**

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Pussies, the whole fucking lot of them I thought as I stormed down the pavement, the warmth of my breath creating little clouds of steam as it hit the cold November night air. If they don't wanna come out then fuck em, Cookie don't need those bunch of twats to have a good time. Just because some girl popped her clogs it don't mean that we all have to stay inside and fucking hibernate.

I kept walking till I came to Keith's, might aswell check up on the old geezer for old times sake. I havn't seem him in ages what with all the crap that's been going on. Yeah that's just what I need, a good pint with some good company for once. Since this whole Sophia thing everybody walks about as if there's been some mass murder or something, everybody just keeping to themselves, no bodies no fun anymore. If there not being emo little shits then they all being loved up twats, somehow they can't keep there hands to themselves for half an hour to come out and see there best mate, fucking tosser. Ever since she came back she's just fucking everything up again, her 'I can fuck people up and still do no wrong' act, with her better than everyone else smirk and her nice tits and arse and those dazzeling blue. Fucking listen to yourself man, your becoming like the rest of them, your just another twat who's stupid enough to fall into the trap of love. Your pathetic.

I sighed, even me hates me now. I pushed open the battered old door and was hit with the familar smell of vomit, piss, sweat and a unique smell that could only be described as Keith.

'NUMBER FUCKING TWENTY THREE' I heard from the front. I look to see a fat, balding man with a pint in one hand and the microphone in another. Keith. The only person who I still got left, the only peson who hasn't gone and left me here to rot, he's rotting with me. I laughed at him as he shouted back at some old bint who was complaining about how this question had already been said. It probably had already been said, that's what Keith's quizes were like. He'd only think of about ten different questions then repeat them but rephraseing the question. I always remember coming here with Freds and Jay when we were like fifthteen, JJ would always be answering all the question with that mojo of his and Freds and me would sit back and laugh at Keith's questions and start harassing some of the old women who were get pissed at all of Keith's sexist were just easy back then, no girls, well there were girls but they fucking us not fucking us over, no police investgations, just us, the musketeers taking on the world together, createing havoc everywhere we went just having a laugh. Everything is just shit, it's simple as.

I always thought if i did leave Bristol after my GCSE's then things would still be simple, I wouldn't have my two best mates but atleast we wouldn't be fighting everytime we're near eachother, I wouldn't have met Effy. But then I think things wouldn't really have been simple because I'd be living wiht my Dad. He probably would've kicked me out in the first week anyway and I'm pretty sure I'd come back to Bristol, everything always comes back to fucking Bristol.

I do sometimes think that, that I would've been happier if I didn't stay here but then I think of the things I would've missed out on. I wouldn't know Naomi, I wouldn't have been able to smile when I saw her and Ems together. Me, Freds and Effy were fucked but with them it's just ment to be. I never believe in that whole 'the one' shite but with them it just seems that little bit more real. I fucking love those two, I love them all really. Panda, Thomo, Katiekins, Gay Jay, Naomio, Ems, Freds even fucking Effy however much i hate to admit it their all family. Everylast one of them means something. When i think of it like that I'm kinda glad I didn't leave, and anyway every family gotta have a black sheep. But still family is all well and good when your happy but when it turns to shit they can all be right bastards. I'm back in Thomas bad books but I don't think I came out after poppin Panda but still he hates me, he keeps blameing me for this hole Sophia thing. Everytime we're alone he always say some shit like 'I know what you did' or 'murders don't desrve the friends you've got', fucking twat who's he to accuse. Ah well I'm not too bothered just as long as he looks after Panda pops I don't care what he says to me. I've always had a little soft spot for that girl, she's just too innocent to hate. Ever since her party I always feel like I should protect her or something, you know like a big brother. I know it was wrong of me to take her virginity but she didn't know she was gonna see Thomas again, she just wanted to somebody to actually give a shit about her because Effy sure as hell wasn't.

I feel like the big brother for most of them really. I like being the protector. Most of them can't stand me but they know where to come if they need a hand. Like Katiekins, when were all out and some tosser just isn't leaveing her alone she knows she can count on me to send him packing and if somebody lays as much as a finger of Jay they'll have my fist to worry about. The only people I don't have to worry too much about is Freds because well he's more worrying about me than the other way round, but since mystery marvel came back onto the scene I've automatically gone down to second place, and Effy because well she don't deserve my respect, I don't care how hot she is. Emily has Naomi so I don't need to worry too much about her. I tell you nobody wants to go near Emsy without haveing their balls ripped off by blondie, she's fucking scary when she wants to be. I suppose the only person who looks out for me now is Naomi. We've come quite close over the summer, she's the only one that has actually been somewhat friendly to me. Freds was being all emo and blamed me for Effy fucking off and Jay didn't want to have to run between the two of us, I think he's pretty chummy with Thomas now, he does french lessons or somthing with him. Over the summer I've started to see Naomi as being a bit of a big sister, we sort of lean on eachother and it's pretty nice having somebody like that, having abit of family, but I'd never tell her she would just rub it in all the time. She can still be an annoying bitch when she wants to be but that maybe why I like her, no bullshitting is okay in my book.

But still things are abit on edge with blondie now, since this whole Sophia thing she hasn't been her old sarcastic self. Her and Ems are abit iffy at the moment. Ems wants to know whats going on with Naomes but Naomi don't want to say and drag Ems into to this. To be honest she's doing the right thing, you seriosuly don't want to get involved with this. Last I heard Ems got pissed off and walked out, apprently she's staying at home for the week to calm down or something. I knew I shouldn't have gone there that night but my stupid curosity just got the better of me and I had to find out what they asked her. To tell you the truth as the days go by I'm getting more and more scared. I have no idea what's happening, we havn't heard nowt from the police which means either two things. Either they have nothing on us and have ruled us out or they have something but are buying their time. I hope it's the first but my mind can't stop thinking about the latter, why the fuck do we always think of the worst and get ourselves in a right mess which normally always rips us into to peices. Most of the time the worst outcome nevers happens and when you find out what's happening you feel like a right twat for ruining yourself like that. To be quite frank I wouldn't mind being labelled as the biggest twat in the world if it means that this gut retching feeling will just fuck off and never come back.

'Wheeey! Cookie, long time no see aye?' Keith wheezed as he took his seat next to me at the bar. 'Here get us another one darling and one for the boy wonder,' he motioned toward me.

'So how you been lad? You need anymore gear cause I got this good stuff from that Romanian guy that lives next door to us,' he said as he reached into his scruffy jean pocket.

'Nah, it's alright,' I quickly interupted as I put my hand on his arm. He gave me a confused look. 'I'm skint at the moment Keith,' I laughed. He chuckled along with me as he put the bag safely back in his pocket.

'So what brings you to my lair,' he asked before takeing a long gulp of one of the two fresh pints that have set out infront of us.

'Nowt I just thought I'd come along for a chat,' I shrugged as I watched the bubbles rise and pop in the beer.

'You alright Cookie?' Keith asked sounding genually concerned. That's a first I thought. Uncle Keith is not really the careing type, he's more inclined to get fucked that to give a fuck. Must run in the family I thought as I compared myself to the fat drunk next to me. Should I tell him? Nah, he wouldn't give a shit, probably just laugh it off like he dose with everything, another family trait I've taken on board. I started to get angry, I wasn't sure why maybe it was because of Keiths inabillity to give a fuck when i so desperately needed him to, or maybe it was at me because I've finally realized that I'm nothing. I live a pathetic excuse for a life and I'm never gonna accomplish nowt, I've got nothing because I don't deserve nothing. Is that why I do it? Is that why I'm a twat to everyone, that why I pickle my liver and sell drugs just so I can by more to get fucked on. Do i do it all just so I don't see me, I don't see the complete and utter bastard that lays before me twenty four fucking seven.

I shake my head along with the anger. I was going in too deep, better get fucked so it doesn't happen again.

'Nah, I'm fine Keithy boy. Bottoms up,' I chuckled as we clinked our glasses together and downing the pints in one then going back for another.

After a many pints my mood had sort of lifted, the acohol haze i was in was shutting me off from all those thoughts before. I was actually starting to enjoy myself. It's good having crack with Keith. He doesn't go in too deep, it's just light hearted banter and that's just what the doctor ordered. Well I thought it was that until he bought up the topic that I came here to escape .

'It's a shame about that girl though. I had an investigator come in the other day. We got chatting over a few pints as you do and it seemed he wasn't one for holding the whole drinky-poos, what a state he was in. Luckily though he'd just come off duty,' He laughed. That one topic is like my sober key, as soon as you mention it the haze I want to keep me sane fucks off leaveing everything just horribly stone, cold sober.

'Did he say anything, you know about the case?' Keith looked at me wierd, maybe it was the curisoty that threw him but still he didn't question it.

'Well he didn't really say that much about it at first but after a bit things were coming out left right and center. Told me something about going over the evidence again and they found something,' he shrugged

'What? What did they find?' I didn't even notice at first that I had just shouted, I didn't even notice every eye on me.

'Cook you sure your alright?' Keith asked. For fuck sake I thought.

'Keith what did they find?' I bellowed again my hands on his shoulders.

'Something about some DNA or hair or something, saying that they think it could send them to the dealer,' FUCK. Without even saying another word I jumped out of my chair and sprited out the door and down the street. I didn't stop not once until I came to a grey terrece house. I didn't even feel my lungs burn for oxygen or the stich that was screaming into my side.

'NAOMI, NAOMI OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR NOW!' I screamed as I hammered away at the wood. Finally I saw a light though the frosty glass and I saw shadows of movement. The door opened to reveal a girl but not the one i wanted to see

'Cook what the fuck you doing here,' Emily spat her arms folded across her chest

'Emily, is Naomi here,' I managed to get out of my ragged breathing.

'Yeah but we're kind of busy at moment,' She snapped. I ignored her and pushed passed the petite redhead and barged up the stairs.

'NAOMI!,' I cried through house.

'What the fucks going on,' Naomi asked as she came out of her bedroom. Naomi looked over my apperence and her face fell instantly.

'Em do you mind giving us a second,' Naomi asked never taking her eyes off me. Emily just huffed in annoyance and pushed past us both and slammed Naomi's bedroom door as soon as she entered. I saw Naomi wince as the bang echoed through the house. She let out a sigh of defeat and nodded downstair to the kitchen. I took a seat at the table while Naomi closed the door before she went and sat oppisite me. Before I could say anything Naomi spoke.

'Just tell me what's happened and don't fucking sugar coat,' She growled. I told her everything Keith had said about the inspector coming in and what he said and i think we should just lay low and see what happens, hell I even started talking abotu a back up plan how we could flee Bristol if things came to the worse. Once I'd finished I looked over at Naomi expecting to see defeat, anger, tears but instead I got nothing, just blank. He eyes fixed on a stray peice of fabric of the sleeve of her jumper.

'Naomi?' I tried. Eventually she realized and tore her gaze away from the fabric and gave me a blank look. 'Didn't you hear what I said,' I barked getting kind of pissed off at her lack of emotion, probably because it reminded me of Effy, fucking selfish cow.

'Yeah,' she breathed still remaining blank.

'Well what do you wanna do,' I tried again trying not to let my anger get the better of me. She just shurgged and continued to play with the stray fabric. I scoffed, 'How the fuck can you just shrug like that. Didn't you just hear what I said. The police could be there now with our fucking names right now and your just sitting here doing shit all,' I shouted my anger being let loose in a rage wave. 'Come on Naomi don't just sit there, give me a sign, tell me what to do,' I pleaded as i got off my chair and knelt beside her. 'I'm scared blondie, I'm scared for the both of us alright. I don't want to go to prison and sure as hell don't what you to. Think about red, what the fuck would she do if you went to prison and couldn't see her,' I whisphered, not even bothering to hide the tears. I wouldn't let anyone else see me like this, not even if I was alone but when I'm with Naomi I don't feel like Cook anymore, I feel like James. I don't need to act like a twat, I don't need to drink to impress I just need to be me. 'Naomi please just say something,' I begged.

'What do you want me to say Cook? Well done I'm going to prison? There's no point trying to hide now, it's over, just let it be,' she said the tears starting to flow free down her cheeks.

'What? No you can't just give up just like that. We gotta fight, your Naomi Campbell that's what your made for,' I joked but couldn't stop the tears.

'Just leave it Cook,' She replied the tears becoming more frequent.

'Why?' I sobbed.

'BECAUSE I FUCKING KILLED HER COOK,' Naomi screamed jumping off the chair looking down at me, her eyes burning into me.

'What?' Came a small voice from the doorway. The rage suddenly fell from the blue and was replaced with sudden panick. We both turned in unison to meet the sobbing redhead, tears mixed with brown creating nothing but heart scolding diaster.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey to those of you that hopefully still remember me. I'm SOOOOOO sorry for not being around but life kind of got in the way like it always does. ARGH! Why couldn't we just live in this fan fic world forever? I know it's a terrible excuse but you wouldn't like if i lied would you? Anyway hopefully I'll have less on my plate in the future but i can't garentee anything. Okay well i thought I'd give you a long one because I havn't been here. Right I'll shut up but one last thing I'd love to hear your reviews because i just love them. I know it's a lot to ask considering I've not been updateing but it really would spur me on. okay now I'll shut up. Enjoy :D **

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'We are gathered here today to honor the memory of Sophia Morgan. A girl who was...' I didn't really listen after that, the dark, wooden box seemed to rip every sense from me. Although it didn't seem to be able to rip the one thing i wanted it to. The thoughts that whirled around my brain were ones of no average seventeen year old girl, then again I wasn't your average seventeen year old, very few seventeen years olds had to wake up and realize someone they loved, some one they'd run to ends of the earth for, someone they'd die for had done this, had ripped a life from someone. It didn't matter that I hardly knew her, it didn't matter that I had never uttered a single word to her, she was still a person.

That night has burnt itself into my flesh, everytime I close my eyes all I see is the pain, tear struck blonde, her appearance carved into my eye lids, her breaking voice locked within my ears. Cook left as soon as I appeared at the door. At least he's good at sometime the life ruining tosser. She collapsed at my knees, she held my hands between hers and literally begged for my forgivness. I'd never seen her like that. She was broken, any twat could see that but I saw more than just a broken girl, I saw her being ripped apart, I could see the strands of sanity slowly being pulled apart leaving nothing but ragged edges and tears to drown in.

I couldn't do anything, I couldn't speak, I couldn't think, I couldn't feel, hell I could just about muster enough energy to breath. How could she do it, how could she just play with someone like that, how could she just take advantage of someone like that. I know she didn't rape her or intentionally kill her but still she took a life, she ruined not just Sophia's life, not just her family, not just mine but her own. Eventually after what seemed like hours of her sobbings and babbleings of forgiveness I eventually was able to grab a speck of energy that could get me over to the table. Once sat there I did nothing but hold on to her hands, I held on so hard that I could see my knuckles so a ghostly white, I could see her hands twitch as I added more and more force around her deadly cold hands. It must have hurt but she didn't say anything, she stayed looked into my eyes, the blue I had come to adore was surrouded by the contrast of red squiggles on a white canvas. Her bags like jet black rings that lingered around her eyes like the smoke that constantly hangs around Keiths pub. This wasn't Naomi, fucking hell this wasn't even a person. We just sat there, the silence consumeing us, both lost in thought.

'I don't want to lose you,' I mumbled, the silence was starting to become addictive and i knew if I just sat back and did nothing I'd be a fully fledge addict and we'd just fall so easily to this enemy.

'You won't,' she replied tightening her grip around my hands, her long fingers curling around my own, trying to armour me. It's hopeless though, nothing can defeat this. Her reply was just some last minuet rushed buch of words that were just some feeble attempt to make me feel better. I knew her intentions were right but it still got me angry. I didn't even bother replying, I don't think my mind was quite in the right place to dicuss this, hell I was no where near ready to be so deep in all this but I was still here. In the end I dragged Naomi up to our bedroom and laid us both on the bed, I placed both her arms around me and I just curled up in her limbs and sobbed. She held me all night and the whole of the next day, we didn't sleep at all we just laid there in blank thought. To be honest I didn't even know what I was crying for because I couldn't feel anything, I suppose I thought if I hadn't been numb to emotion then I'd probably be crying, I was still human.

It has been a few days since then. A couple days after that day we were told my Doug that Sophia was going to have her funeral on saturday since the police were now finished examining her body. Nobody from collage was there apart from me, everyone else just elderly relatives that sobbed in flimys paper hankys. Her mother was there next to the vicar hugging herself, silently sobbing for her daughter that was ripped from her far too early. A guy that could only have been a year older me was stood next to her, his face drenched in anger as he fixed his eyes on the coffin and nowhere else. The farther a six foot plus guy with a rugby players build and a greying beard cried into his hands. I felt like an alien. I had not one single tie to any of these people standing here, the only thing that contencted me was the fact that I loved the person that cause all of this.

I stood near the back, I only wanted to go and pay my respects and then just get out of there, I don't think I could've handled having to communicate wth a family member, knowing the reason why their beloved daughter was now in a shit little box instead of standing proud on the ground beneath us. Naomi dosen't even know I'm here, I was gonna ask her but I knew that would've have gone down about as well as arsonist with a box of matches. After the vicar had finished and everyone had left and I moved closer to the wooden cross that marked the end of a life and a completely new path for others.

'I'm so sorry,' I whispered before turning round and literally running out of the grave yard. I didn't stop running till I was safely back in the grey terrance house. I slammed closed the door and slowly slid down it before letting the famliar drops decend down my cheeks. There was nobody home, normally Naomi would be at the door before I'd even closed it to give my a welcomeing kiss. I would've given anything to have one those kisses now. Finally I mustered up enough energy to take myself off the floor and dragged my heavy form to the kitchen. I dumped my body on one of the chairs and slumped over the table.

Everything is like being in a glass bottle. You can see everything yet you can't make a difference, you can't break out and step in, you can't even shout because every attempt is just lost in the clear trap that surrounds you. I watched everything fall in front of me and the thing that scared me the most was the fact that I knew there was nothing I could do, I was starting to get the feeling that there was nothing anybody could do. We were all going to trapped in this forever because this literally is beyond repair, it's so fucked that nothing can make a single bit of difference, not all the money in the world could show any signs of repair, she's never coming back.

I must have sat at that table for a good couple of hours until I heard a slam of the front door. I glanced at my phone and saw it was eight in the evening, fucking hell how times flies when all you want is for it the stand still. I looked up to see a blur of blonde fly passed the kitchen door way and up the stairs. I heard footsteps going to the far end of the upstairs corridor, I heard the familar squeak of Naomi's bedroom door and then after a few minuets she apperared in the kitchen doorway. She gave me a slight smile and plant a soft kiss on my lips before turning on the kettle.

It's weird how people try and avoid things even though they control every aspect of their lives. At first they feel if they ignore it then it will just somehow magically dissappear, it will just dissolve into thin air and life can continue being hunky fucking dory. In reality it's the complete opposite and every body knows it yet they always ignore the issue anyway even though they know the horror it can cause. I mean if you leave fruit it turns moldy, right? Personally I find this whole ignoring thing a complete load of pointless bullshit, if you want to move your the only who can take the steps. That's what i thought last year with Naomi, but it's scary now how I'm starting to fall into the pattern of ignorance. I went to that funeral to try and address the issue, a task that the old me could've have done eyes closed and hands tied behind my back, but a lot has changed since the last year, the old me isn't here anymore, she didn't want to stick around for the party.

'Tea?' Naomi asked bringing me out of thought. I snapped my head up and just shook my head before bringing my gaze back down to the wooden table in front of me. Naomi must have sensed something was wrong and I knew she knew what it was that was causeing this strange change in character but she choose not to comtemplate it. Naomi was always good at that, she could always ignore things, all she had to do was come out with some saracastic comment and things just seemed to be pushed aside. I know it isn't healthy to let things just build up like that but god what I wouldn't give to just be able to have an hour without thinking about anything.

I looked up to find an ice blue pair of orbs looking straight at me. It's easy to see things now, it's easy to see the change in Naomi, that blue lacked the shine it carried through the summer, now in it's place an impossible combination of intense and dull blue. I knew that Naomi didn't forget about these thing because it was easy to see that it plagued her mind, that it kept her awake at night, that if there was nothing else to think about that would be the only thing present but she sure did pull off a damn good everything's-alright act. Times like these I wished I could pull off a poker face, that I wouldn't mind a face that had a sense of mystery about it, fucking hell I'd even take i'm-so-fucking-bored look that is famously sported by the great Effy Stonem herself.

Naomi sat opposite me and reached over to take my hands. Even though Naomi still had her ignore/run mechnism which was a must for her old self, she has learnt over the past few months that affection is something not to to punch in the face. I felt her squeeze my hands and I looked to see a warming smile played across her lips. I got up and without letting go of her hands I sat down on her knee while I buried myself in crook of her neck. I felt the longed feeling of content wash over me as I breathed her in. I must have sat there for another hour until Naomi eventually pointed out that the heating hadn't been put on and Bristol wasn't exactly all ice creams and sunbathing in mid December. Eventually we layed on the sofa letting the shitty shopping channel play in the back round while we held each other.

'Where did you go today,' I asked as I made my two fingers walk up Naomi's arm. I felt her shrug.

'That's for me to know and you to find out Miss Fitch,' she pointed out as she pushed a strand of defiant hair from my face.

'You know that line just screams christmas presents,' I giggled.

'You know me too well Fitch,' I giggled again as I enjoyed the feeling of out smarting the arguementative blonde.

'Anway I thought you don't do christmas?' I pointed out as I made my finger-legs walk back down her other arm.

'Well there was never really point before but now I've got somebody with the mental age of a six year old I think I'm going to have to start getting into the spirit,' She motioned toward me.

'Just because I like christmas it doesn't mean I'm being childish,' I retorted as I wrapped my arms around her slender waist.

'Yeah well I know I'd be the fucking grinch of Bristol if I didn't get my own girlfriend a christmas present,' she laughed as she snuggled in closer. I felt my heart start to melt as I realized the lengths that Naomi was going to make me happy. I knew that I had to tell her the truth, I've decided that there should be no secrets, not when the ones we keep always come back and bite us in the arse. We laid there for a couple more minuets just enjoying the silence until my voice box was ready to cooperate with my brain.

'I went to her funeral,' I blurted out and I immdeatly felt her tense but then to my surpise I felt her relax after a second. There was no question that she knew who I was talking about. The confusion got greater when I felt a tiny chuckle escape from her body.

'I had a feeling you would,' She whispered trying to make it sound as light hearted as possible but the saddness was still easily identifiable.

'You did?' I questioned

'Yeah,' she simply replied, her facial expression not expanding any further than an emotionless stare.

'Naoms? You're not angry are you?' I asked caustiously, this was the first time since I'd found out about everything that we've have talked about anything that was connected to her.

'Why would I be?' she shurgged still holding that slightly disturbing emotionless gaze.

'Naomi don't be like that,' I pleaded as I tried to bury myself further into her shoulder in some stupid attempt to get her to show a bit of positive feeling. She shrugged me away and stood up off the sofa leaving a cold lonely place next to me.

'Naomi,' I tried but got no reponse. 'Naoms?' I tried again, when I got no reply I pushed myself off the sofa and walked over to the window where the blonde was now standing as she looked out onto the scruffy garden, the green looked no better with the gloomy mid Decemeber rain consumeing it. I hooked my arm around her waist and buried my head in the small space between her arm and torso so she could wrap her arm around me. Eventually she relaxed and loosly held me.

'It's gonna be alright , you know,' I mumbled into her shoulder as i tried to bury myself further into her. When I got no reply I pulled myself from her and looked up to find watery blue orbs. It wasn't often I'd seen Naomi cry and to be honest I'm kind of glad that such thing is a rarity. When I see those normally strong, determined, dazzeling blue filled with salty tears I can't help but just break alittle inside, I just can't stand those orbs I fell in love with looking lifeless, grey, broken, just looking like the eyes of the defeated because Naomi Campbell has always been known as the undefeatable, it's just heart shattering to see woman you love to do a full 180 on you and morph into something you would do absolutely anything to lock it up and throw away the key.

'Hey,hey,' I cooed as I slightly pulled on her chin to look into the dull, watery iris. 'It's going to alright. I love you and as long we love eachother nothing is going stop this,' I nodded toward the entwined pair of hands I held up to her gaze.

She sniffs and lets out a little chuckle, not because anything was funny because really everything now is far from that but the sort of chuckle you use in some stupid attempt to compose yourself, to wipe away the feeling of vunrability.

'I'm such a twat,' she laughed as she quickly wiped a stray tear. She goes back again to wipe another one but I encase the slender hand between my own and look straight into the her eyes to find the colour coming back, the life slowly coming back but still the fear lingered but I tried not to acknowledge it.

'Yeah you are but I suppose you could be worse,' I joked and I instantly felt my heart swell when I heard a soft laugh escape through her lips. 'but seriously, your okay with me going to the funeral?' I asked hopefully. When she didn't reply my heart suddenly froze. She let out a heavy sigh and I thought fucking hell this is it, look what you've fucking gone and done, well done Emily just go and fucking ruin everything right when things were starting to get back on track. My internal rant was silenced when I felt two familiar arms wrap around me and a soft pair of lips printing themsleves upon my forehead.

'Yeah I am. I understand Em, I think I'd be more worried if you didn't, what with your inability to not give a fuck about anyone,' I let out a little giggle as I reach up to connect our lips, letting the tingle run through my body. I have a feeling that things can only go up.

* * *

'I'm scared,' I mumble into the pitch black room. I feel the flesh beneath me move alittle but not too much that I had to move to.

'I know,' I felt myself smile when I heard the husky voice and I felt myself smile even more when the memory of two hands entwined moving away from a tacky heart doorway. I let out quiet giggle as I remembered more and more about that night.

'What?' I heard near the top of the bed.

'Nothing,' I mumbled giving the naked torso a kiss before replaceing my head comfortable on the toned stomach. I frowned alittle when I couldn't feel delicate fingers massageing my skull.

'Why'd you stop,' I asked into the darkness even though I knew the person I was questionning was up at the top of the bed probably hogging all the pillows as per usual.

'I was wondering how long it would take you to noticed,' she laughed.

'Well chop, chop the night isn't exactly young,' I joked as I snuggled my head back into the softness of her stomach but groaned in frustration when I couldn't feel anything.

'I'm not going to do it until you tell me what you were laughing at,' She pointed out sounding all smart arsed like she does when she knows she's got the upper hand.

'Jesus christ Em it's nothing major,' I moaned.

'Well the if it's nothing major then you won't mind shareing, will you?' She pointed out again sounding all high and mighty. _Damn you Ftich_. Seriously I think I've gotten stupid since I've been with her. Before I would've have won this pointless tiff ages ago. Oh well I don't care, I love her.

'I was just thinking about the love ball,' I smiled when I felt soft fingers slowly start to circle my head. I smiled knowing she couldn't resist, as much as I love a Fitch head massage I know she adores giving them. 'Yeah I was just laughing at you owning Katie's arse.' I smiled when I felt a hearty chuckle ripple from her stomach into me.

'I had a feeling that Katie being in pain would always get a few laughs from you,' she replied as she ran her fingers through my hair.

'Hun I think anybody would piss themselves if they got to see Katie fall flat on her arse,' I smiled

'Hey now that's not nice,' she said trying to sound serious but I could tell she was full on smiling. 'Anyway she's loads better now. I mean when was the last time she had a go at you?'

'Yesterday when she accused me of fucking you in her bed even though I've never been in your fucking house,' I started to grin when I heard her giggle.

'Yeah she was jokeing,' She pointed out.

'Really? Because last time when somebody says they will rip out my eyes and shove them down my throat if I dare go anywhere near their house doesn't sound like much of a welcome to the family joke to me,'

'Okay well bad example but she's really has changed. She always sticking for me with mum and she is not a bitch anymore,'

'Whatever you say Em,' I grinned.

'Okay well maybe not to me but she really has changed,' She tried.

'Yeah I know I'm just pulling your leg,' I chuckled as I kissed my way up the creamy flesh, leaving a trail of light butterfly kisses all the way up her tonned stomach, through the valley of her perfect breast and along her irresistible slender neck until I reached her soft lips which are all red and swollen from our previous love making.

'Naoms,' she mumbled into my mouth. I don't stop until I felt two hands push me away. I looked at her confused, just about making out her silolette in the black.

'It's okay to be scared, I'm not leaving you,ever,' She whispered as she put her soft hand into mine. I looked up to see two chocolate circles looking back at me.

'I know,' I simply said as I our clasped hands to my mouth.

'Just don't forget,' she half warned before pushing me back onto the bed before devouring my neck. This isn't perfect but it's not exactly and complete diaster.

Things were just about to get interesting until I heard the sound of plastic vibrateing against the wooden floor. I reluctantly dragged my eyes from the sweat glistening skin of my girlfriend to find the pocket of my jeans lighting up.

'Fuck sakes,' I groaned.

'They'll call back,' She replied breathless. I just nodded before turning my attention back to the gorgous breast that were crying out for my mouth. That plan was going fine until I heard the annoying rattle of plastic hitting wood.

'Fuck off,' I almost shouted.

'Just leave it,' Emily replied even more breathless as she could feel my fingers dipping south. I turned back to the glowing redhead and continued to devour her breasts and ever so slowly let my fingers rake there way down her body. My digits were just about to reach there much needed detination until I heard yet again the piss annoying rattle of wood.

'Oh fucking, bastard hell,' I shouted in complete frustraion. I _very_ reluctantly removed myself off of the just as frustrated redhead. I was getting really pissed off when I felt my sweaty, flushed body stick to the sheets. I eventually untangled myself even though I just ended up falling arse over tit and slaming my face against the wooden floor which earned a few laughs from Emily. I eventually freed myself from the duvet prison and stomped my way over to the crumpled pair of jeans that had been carelessly thrown to the floor from our earlier passion. I ripped the phone out of the pocket and was too pissed off to even look at the caller ID, whoever it was would get an endless string of profanity.

'WHAT!,' I barked down the phone. My anger was suddenly sucked from me when I heard deep, rough sobbings.

'Naomi,' Cook. Something must be seriously wrong, you know when somethings wrong when Cook doesn't even feel light hearted enough to give one of the many annoying nicknames he's given you.

'What? What's the matter Cook?' I asked much more sincere as I sat down on the edge of the bed. Emily must have heard my concern because no sooner had I sat on the bed and I could feel a comforting hand on my knee as I waited in the painful silence for an explantion to Cook's seriousness at such an ungodly hour, even for him.

'You've..you've got to help me. Something's ...Something's happened,' I think we were all thinking the same thing at that point. FUCK


	9. Chapter 9

**Long time no right ay? Anyway I've been very busy these last few weeks but I guess you already know that. It was my birthday on the 19th and it was a level results day and i was partying with some friends who I right music for. Scary to think only a year ago I was getting my own alevel results, scary stuff :S Anway I've finally got a flat now so I'm just tieing up loose ends up here before going to big bright lights of London :S I taught my final guitar lession today and it was quite funny have a load of six year olds wanting your number incase they're new teacher is shit :D Anyway I will now HOPEFULLY have more time now but don't hold me to that. By the way thanks for all your reviews and stuff they really have made me smile :D So I'll let you crack on and please review because really really make me smile :D :D  
**

* * *

'SHUT UP!'_ SMACK. _'QUIET, NOW!' _SMACK_. 'I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!' _CRACK_

'COOK! STOP NOW! GET OFF HIM!' Naomi begged, half sobbing.

'I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING!'

'YOU'RE A LAIR!' He screamed from beneath me, splatters of blood pebble dashed me as he spoke. Fucking twat.

'You think I'm a lair?' I bellowed as I hauled his fucking skinny arse body off the floor before ramming him into the rough concerte body into the wall. 'Prove it you fucking twat,' I spat into his face. Quiet. The shits a right pussy, first he has the nerve to pin summat on me that wasn't even my fault and cowers like a girl when I got the upper hand, the fake bastard!

'You did it, I know,' He whispered but still sounding all Ironside on me with his accuseing tone. 'She's dead because of you,' he bitched . I lowered my head. I didn't do nowt so I don't know why I feel like some emo twat, like the weight of the worlds on me shoulders. I look down to me shoes, all scuff and worn from all the pissing about I do, there fucked up, just like me. Still this twat dosen't have the right to talk down to me from his sodding high horse.

'How could you? I thought you knew better.' I looked back to the dark eyes to see them looking behind me, I turned to see Naomi doing the exact same as me, obviously her shoes are fucked too.

'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry,' She sobbed into her hands.

'Sorry doesn't bring her back,' He replied looking onto the verge of tears himself, fucking pussy. But I got to admit I was feeling the sting aswell. 'How could you both do that, toy with other people like that,' He asked. I quickly span my head back around, I thought it was gonna fall off, what more can you acpect going at those speeds.

'Are you deaf or what? I didn't do nowt,' I pointed my finger in his face, he just looked at it like it was shit under his shoe.

'If you hadn't been there, there would've been no drugs in the first place,' He hissed, his eyes so full anger that I thought they were gonna burst into flames.

'You can't prove nothing,' I growled still not moveing my finger.

'It's called CCTV, look it up when you've got a free moment from screwing up people's lives,' He barked as he shoved some tape into my hands. I took a few steps back when I saw the black box in my hands. It's like when you're a kid and you're playing in the park. You're just minding you're own buissness and them some bigger fucker comes along and decides 'you know what I'm gonna be a right dickhead and crush that kids toy car'. It's exactly like that, just watching something you've like... cherished so much just being crushed right in front of your eyes, just destroyed so quick, so easy as if it ment nothing. It's kind of fucked up because you've spent so long just holding onto this thing as if it was like crystal or something, you've just spent so long keeping it from harm and suddenly out of nowhere it's ruined, just like that.

I turned around to see wide, ice blue eyes glued to the rectangular box in my hands. I look back at the shitty plastic case. In everyday terms this would just be some crap little security footage from some night in a club, it ment nothing to no one. If that what is was like everyday then why isn't it that today, today it's like one of them red hot pokers. It hurts to touch, it blinds to see, it pains to know it's there, it's out to scar us all forever. It's a right bastard really.

'You havn't said owt?' I mumbled looking up at the man, his nike jacket all wrinkled from where I had him pinned to the floor just moments ago, little dots of blood splattered around the collar, a mixture his own and mine.

'No, I havn't. I'm not going to, it's your problem now,' He glared into my eyes, looking like one of them mob people you see in the Godfarther. 'But you listen to me now. You stay from everyone, you stay anyway from me, from Panda from everyone. You've brought us enough trouble, both of you,' He spat looking between us. 'If I were you, I'd get far away as possible. Your just lucky I found this when I did, who knows what else they've found,' His tone slighty softening, but still talking from his high horse, the fucker. He smoothed down his jacket as if he was some big shot buissness man wearing some over priced Gucci suit or something, he's no different from any of us really, well apart from he's not trying to tip toe around the fucking rozzers.

'You,' He pointed to my chest, 'I knew you were trouble the first moment I laid eyes on you. I'm doing this not for you because for all I care you should be rotting away in a cell, this is all for her,' He nodded toward the tear ridden blonde in the corner. He shoved his way past me and went toward Naomi, he stopped and whispered something into her ear before giving me another glare. He walked off after that. I looked up to the blonde, she was frozen still.

'Woah, Thomo seemed pissed,' I joked, haha you're such a fucking clown, dick.'Naomkins?' I asked all light heartedly, I know I was being a tosser you don't have to point it out. Nothing, she's quiet. 'Oi Blondie,' I called out, still nothing, slience. I fucking hate it to be honest, silence it just that fucked up thing that brings out every little detail in full, like you're Sherlock Holmes with a fucking great bastard of a magnifying glass. 'Naoms stop playing with me alright,' I tried to sound all tough, and not bothered, basically a I sounded like a twat but even I could hear the fucking neediness. 'Naomi please say something, anything!' I shouted over to her, that piss annoying sting coming back to my eyes. Don't cry, stop being such a fucking fairy.

'What? What could I possibly say?' She looked up to me the tears flowing like rivers down her cheeks. I couldn't help it, I couldn't stop the stinging when I saw that, when I saw her. I did that, I was the one who put that rusty old knife through that barely beating heart of her. It was just getting back on track, it was finally started to find rythem and then, just like them kids crush as if it were nothing.

'I'm sorry,' Was all I managed to squeak out between sobs. 'I'm fucked alright, I can't have what I want so fuck with other people. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to I really didn't,' I yelled out. I fell to my knees cause it's all too much. The load just got too much and I just had to fall, fuck knows hows blondie's still standing, but she's a tough bird, way stronger than'll ever be. I'm all mouth and no trousers. I felt soft fingers pull my chin up.

'Don't give up yet Cook. I can't do this alone,' She kissed my cheek and just like that she took me hand and pulled me up off the floor, see one hell of a tough bird her. I wiped my nose on my on my grubby jumper sleave and I chuckled when Naomi started to wipe my face with her jacket sleave. Honestly what would I do with out her, I guess it's safe to say Naomi is my big sister. She's fuck annoying, sarcastic, doesn't mind giving my her right hook but loves me anyway, yeah she's definatly family of some sort.

'So what do we do now,' I croaked out, my throat hurt like a bitch from all the screaming. She looked me over and sighed while she looked down at the tape in my hands.

'This,' she picked up the tape, 'has to go,' she said, her voice all serious while she gave me a stern look. 'I think I know the perfect place,' She grabbed my hand and dragged me into the main street.

XXXXX

I never come down here, well who the fuck would go to a beach in the UK unless they voluntarily wanted to get frostbite. But I got to admit it's nice even though I could see fuck all and the the piss annoying sand kept filling my shoes, but it was nice just listening to the sea, this is my kind of quiet. The only sounds that could be heard were the lapping of the waves and the clanking together of the two vodka bottles and the tequila we bought on the way here, which surpiseing was a request from blondie herself, nothing to with me. It was fucking freezeing, the only part of me that was warm was my hand which was gripped onto Naomi's for dear life as she literally dragged me across the sand. Finally we stopped and Naomi threw herself onto soft sand beneath. She's on her own with that one, I've already got sand in me shoes, I don't want them down me pants aswell. That would just be the fucking cherry on top this night if I got itchy, sand balls.

'So Naomi what we doing he, cause as much as I want to see you in you bikini I'm not jumping in... HEY!' I shouted when she took the just open bottle of vodka from my lips, 'I was drinking that!' But without even a second glance she poured the entire bottle over the tape. 'That was fifteen fucking quid that! It don't grow on trees you know,' I pointed out getting a little pissy seeing MY money just going down the drain.

'Give me your lighter,' she demanded completely ignoreing my moanings.

'What?' I was seriosuly confused, I fucking love her but she can be fucking mental at times.

'Just give me your fucking lighter,' she snapped her impatient hand waiting.

'Alright keep ya knickers,' I shot back as I dug my lighter out of my back pocket. 'Here,' I huffed and watched as I opened the other bottle of vodka, decideing to fuck the itchy ball-ness and sat down on the soft sand, I had walked practically across fucking Bristol. _VOOF! _and suddenly the small plastic block was being consumed by scolding mixture of fiery reds and blistering orange.

'You're a smart one you are,' I pointed out as she came and sat down next to me, saying nothing just watching in an emotinless stare as the plastic crackled under the unbeaqrable heat.

'So what are these for then,' I hold up the second bottle of vodka and tequila. 'Cause I think that tape is as destroyed as it's gonna get,' She chuckled and I felt myself slighty relax when I realized she hadn't gone into one of them emotionless bubbles she often traps herself in.

'Keep up Cook. Jesus I know at lot of shit has happened but even I expected you to know a drowning your sorrows party when you see one,' she pointed out with alittle smirk on her lips.

'Fuck you,' I playfully shoved her and gave her the bottle of vodka while I turned my attention to the tequila.

'Fuck you right back,' she giggled as she took a massive gulp of clear liquid, not even winceing when it travelled down her throat, that's my girl I thought with a smile.

We fell into comfortable silence and to be honest I didn't mind it, it's sort of nice if you think about it. What more would I want, friends, booze, and some kind of warmth. I looked up to the night sky, it was completely clear of any clouds and it looked like every star was out. We didn't have any phsyical witnesses to our destruction of evidence so I guess this is the next best thing. If anything happened to us atleast there'd always be a record up there. I bet this is nothing to all those lights up there, they see everyone don't they? They've probably seen fuck loads of weird shit, but they don't say out, they just hold on to it like a photo album or something, you know like it's a good thing because they know it's part of someone, it's special. It is special. Right here, right now is special. Me and Naomi, we are always special, well maybe that's just a nice way of saying retarded but we are special alright. I quite like it though, I like knowing I'm accpeted somewhere. It's cool, me and Naomi forever in stars, but thinking about it even we would be kick out of the sky because we'd fuck them all up. I got to laugh at that because you can just imagen me trying to start some fight with some know it all bastard and then suddenly Naomi would burst in with that right hook of hers. Fucking mental we are.

I sighed as I took another massive gulp of the tequila. 'Fucking shit stuff this,' I winced at the label but it still looked all fuzzy. I heard Naomi laugh and I laugh too, I didn't know why but I was beyond caring. I smiled when I flet Naomi rest her head against my shoulder as we watched the fire blaze in front of us. I'd like to think this is the end, we've made the edvidence vanish but really it's only the begining. Fuck knows what else they will find, we've got that hair to worry about and the shit load of detectives and police officers serching for more. We're doomed really. I rest my head on top of Naomi's and just enjoy the now as they say on that fosters advert with those Aussies.

I wouldn't mind fucking off to Australia, atleast it would be fucking warmer and most importantly far away, very far away, but I got fuck all money and the only source of income was the thing that got me in this mess in the first place, I don't want to push it any further than I already have.

'What we gonna do?' I found myself asking. I heard her sigh in defeat. To be honest I wasn't expecting her to say anything but when she replied was a shock but what got to me more was what she said.

'Run,'


	10. Chapter 10

**Alright so I've kind of neglected this story the past few months but actually I had majority of the chapter written before I went AWOL I was just spending time trying to conjure up a good finish to this chapter but I didn't in the end so I finished it off just now, sorry if the ending feels rushed and therefore shit but I couldn't think of a single thing that could have a lead to a good build up so I just decided to just put it there in the end, sorry :( Anyway I hope that after this it should be plain sailing ,if only there was such a thing when writing, so I'll try and get another update by the end of the week. Thankyou for all of you reviews and for you lot that have kept with this, I really am greatful :D **

'Look, Naomi what you think?'she said holding up some high street clap trap in front of my face.

'Errrr...what?' I asked. I havn't been paying much attention but can you blame me? I got more important things to worry about than ponceing around some shop trying to find a christmas present for someone I hate.

'Urgh,' Emily sighed in annoyence, 'At least act like you're interested,' she moaned as she went back to the rail of clothing that quite frankly wouldn't look out of place on a prozzie. 'Seriously you've got to help me, Katie is fucking hard to shop for,' she groaned as she went through the wide array of outfits.

'I don't know why you wanted me here. To be honest Ems you couldn't have picked anybody worse to help you pick out a present for Katie,' I huffed, honestly this was a waste of time, I've done nothing but been dragged from shop to shop by this fed up redhead. Seriously my plans for today were to sleep, sleep somemore and maybe find some time among my hetic sceduld to eat. Honestly who the fuck wants go around shops at christmas. Fucking overly happy carol singings making it seem like everythings ticky flippen boo, and the depressing drone of christmas carol after christmas carole that gets played over and over again in every single sodding shop you go into. I hate shopping in general but christmas shopping really does take the bloody biscuit.

'For fucks sake,' I murmmed when I knocked into some little kid that had found himself a little safe haven among a clothes rack, lucky bugger. I gave him a Campbell snarl and felt my spirits slightly brighten when I watched him all most shit a brick and run off into the crowd of people that had been packed into the shop like sardines. Yeah I'm an evil bastard I know but I was never one for pointless smiles and bull shit small talk, why the hell should some holiday change that?

'For god sake Naomi if you're gonna be a bitch then you can just leave,' I was going to reply but she turned her back on me and continued to ratch through the mass of clothes. I sighed and turned to leave. _I need to cool off. _Once I'd finally managed squeeze myself from the masses I let out a breath of relief and lit up a fag. I let out a satisfied sigh when I felt the much needed nicotine run through my system. Once I'd got my nicotine levels up I let my feet just take me away. I didn't know where I was going but I didn't care, I was so wrapped up in my head that I probably wouldn't know if I'd walked into a boiling lake of lava.

After a short while I found myself sat on an rickety old bench which seemed oddly placed along the masses of people, just an old forgotten relic that had collapsed under the heavy weight of the busy modern life. I sat down and didn't even care that it was icy and the numbening cold water was seeping through to my skin. I put my head in my hands and just like that I felt myself close off. The busy lives where locked out by my deadly cold hands that were encaseing my fragile mind. _It's all so fucked up, everything is just so fucked_. I thought as I tried to bury my face further into my hands in some stupid attempt of wipeing clean the memories that plagued me.

I was pretty certain I was going to be trapped in this closed off prison forever but then I heard it and I was hauled back into reality. The heavy thud of motor cycle boots hammering the pavment, the jingle of jewerly shaking with motion, and if that wasn't enough the pickleing of the skin that could only come from being under such intense gaze. I slowly lifted my hands and was met with a smirk and two mysifiiny orbs. Effy fucking Stonem in all her glory, smudged smokey mascara, ripped fish nets and a dress that only just fits into the category of a dress, any shorter and we'd have a belt on our hands. But despite the appearence which would make any normal human being look like loves young dream drowning in the gutter, she still looks enviously beautiful as ever.

'Trouble in paradise?' She enqiured as she let out a delicate smoke ring from her defined lips.

'Have you even been home?' I said completely ignoring the question as I looked her up and down.

'I was on my way home, just come from Freddie's,' She replied sounding bored as per usual. Small talk was never quite her forte, atleast we got something in common.

'Oh that explains it. So hows loved up bliss?' I asked as I motioned toward the empty spaced next to me.

'I guess I could ask you the same question,' she countered as she sat. I didn't reply just fixacted my gaze on the blazeing orange end of her cigerette. I could feel her gaze but tried desperately to ignore it. I was relieaved when she spoke. 'It's shit scary isn't it?' I raised my eyes to hers in confusion. 'Love,' she elborated. 'But that just adds to it all,' she finished as be blew out another perfectly formed ring. I let my gaze decend down yet again and sighed. _Everything really is fucked up_. I thought as I lighty kicked a small pebble between my feet, anything to avoid those blue lazers that cut through me.

'You coming out tonight?' She asked as she threw her almost non exsistant cigerette to the grounding, killing it's orange glow with a heavy motor cycle boot. I shook my head and continued to toss the pebble back and forth between feet.

'Why not? you and me, just catching up,' she offered. When I didn't give any indication of even acknowlegeing her offer she continued 'Well I best not keep you, the shops beckon,' she stated before making her way down the street. _Oh for fuck sake am I that bloody predictable? _

'Eff! Wait up!' I called as I made my way down the street.

A short walk later I found myself in a surpiseingly quiet pub. I could almost drown in the heat that was being waphed through the pub from the roaring fire. Effy returned with our drinks, I looked at her enquisitively when I examined the two whiskeys.

Before I could even ask, 'To warm you up...and get you pissed,' she finished with a slight curl of her lips.

'At half three in the afternoon?' I asked.

'Why? You got somwhere to be?' She accused, one eyebrow lifted adding to the intimidating stare she was fireing at.

'No,' I whispered suddenly feeling really small.

'So you and Freddie?' I finally asked once I'd managed to get myself over the intimidating hurdell.

'You and Sophia?' She shot back, her lips turning into a full on smile when she saw my obvious unease.

'Don't,' I stated, for once looking directly into the deadly sea of blue, hopeing she'd see my pleas. I didn't even try and deny it, because even though I know it's probably impossible for anybody else but Emily and Cook to know about her I still know there's no hideing from Effy Stonem.

I relaxed slightly when the curve of her lips striaghtened, indicating she was going to let it slide... for once.

'Another?' she motioned to my empty glass, I nod.

It goes like this for another hour...or maybe two, after a few more whiskeys I kind of lost track of the ticking coming from the rustic wooden clock that was hung proudly above the warm fire place. Although the odd silence was shattered half way through the eleventh drink or maybe the sixthteen, wither way it was definatly far down the timeline.

'So...how'd it happen?' I asked, slightly slurring in places.

'What?' she replied sounding strangley sober.

'Yoooou knooow. You and the lippss,' I stated, aquireing an unneeded lisp. She looked at me deadly serious and placed her drink down neatly onto the battered coaster as if she was prepareing to give a speech of world peace or something. She leaned forward keeping complete, intense eye contact.

'You're drunk Miss Campbell,' she pointed out with a smirk after a few seconds of tense silence.

'Fuck you,' I half joked, half spat defensively as I waved my hand in some attempt in disputeing her claim but ended up clumsily knocking my empty glass off the table. 'Shit,' I mumbled as I wiped the little droplets off my lap and then decended under the table in search of my glass. All I could hear was soft laughs being emitted from Effy as she watched in amusment at my embrassing antics. After a few minuets of getting no further in my hunt for my glass I tried to get up but barely had the blaence to stay on all fours. Effys laughs started to get louder as I completely failed at getting myself from underneath the table.

'What the fuck are you doing?' I heard a pissed off husky voice from somewhere above. In shock the tried to stand up but complete forgot about the solid oak table above me and whacked my head against the solid table top. The whole pub went silent when hearing the loud clatter of glasses and the endless list of profanity coming from my mouth which wasn't helped by Effy's uncontrolable fits of laughter. I eventually managed to navigate myself from the table prison to be met with the mortified expression of a red head at the end of her teather.

'Hi Emss,' I croaked out trying not to sound drunk but completely failed when I added that annoying lisp to the end of her name. _oh fuck _was all I could think as I watched the normally clam beauty go nearly the same colour as her hair with anger.

'Don't fucking Ems me,' she spat, switching on her scary bitchy mode. 'I figured you'd be here,' she barked looking completely fed up. She quickly turned her attention to the smirking brunnett, who was obviously enjoying the heated exchange. Emily just sighed in frustation and pushed passed her and grabbed me by the wrist and led me away from the loads of pearing eyes.

'Ems, Emi...,'

'Don't even talk to me,' she cut me off and continued to roughly drag me through street after street. The entire journey home just being pulled along like a child being led away by a fuming mother. Even on the bus she just sat in only vacant seat and left me standing at the other end like a usless spare part. In the summer, before everything got fucked up, when everything was just pure loved up bliss. It there had been only one empty seat she'd always make me sit on her knee, or make me sit down first so she could sit on mine. Sometimes she'd stand up with me and have her arms constantly wrapped around my waiste while I looked like a right knob as I held onto the bus for dear life as I tried not to be knocked completely off balence. I always used to get annoyed at her when she made fun of my shit scared face I made when we went round corners, and I'd be gripping to the bars till my knuckles went white while she just loosely had her arms around me as if she was standing on solid rock.

It was suddenly dawning on me how much I longed for those moments of public affection that I used to avoid at all cost, maybe because it signalled to passes by that I had opened my heart and therefore was an easy target, but then again passes by probably didn't give a shit if I was as whipped as a trifle.

The sound of our bedroom door being slammed sent right through me shockwaves when we entered the house. I staggered my way toward the living and let my patheic mess flop onto the sofa. I could hear Ems movements above and couldn't help but mumble every curse word under the sun beneath the breath as I tried to imagine what the hell she was thinking at the present moment in time. Although that moment of thought was quickly cut off when I heard a harsh knocking at the front door followed by,

'NAOMI CAMBPELL THIS IS THE POLICE. OPEN UP!'. I was now a dear caught redhanded in the head lights.


End file.
